I want self-indulgent rambling!

Well, 2013 was one hell of a year for me. I've had huge joy and huge stress, and I realized as I was thinking about this self-indulgent rambling that I can't even try to balance the joy and the stress against each other on some cosmic scale, as if to say "Well, sure, there was stress, but the joy overcame it!" Because it didn't work that way -- the stress didn't make the joy less, and the joy didn't actually make the stress less.

You all may have heard I got married (well, actually, engaged and married in 7 months). Obviously, that was -- and is -- 2013's HUGE JOY, beyond words. Life with Tim is a gift I never, ever dreamed I would receive. (Not that it's perfect, all unicorns and rainbows, by any means; sometimes I want to kill him.)

Having my brother officiate at the wedding was utterly perfect. I don't really even have words for it. (The last dance of the night was supposed to be a romantic song, and I would dance with my new husband and cry from the emotion. Instead it was the Pina Colada song, and I danced with my brother, because we love that song.)

*Planning* the wedding, however, was from HELL, partly because it coincided with losing my job and looking for a new one. I know some people enjoyed wedding planning, but it was stressful as hell for me.

The honeymoon was fantastic, wonderful, and all the other superlatives. The bonus was getting to see Buffistas at the end of the trip, and the unexpected PERFECT presents from Polter-Cow. (Seriously. SO PERFECT.)

I lost my job after 18 years when my company sold the journals to a much larger publisher. It allowed Big!Boss to give us a good severance, and they covered our health insurance through the end of the year, so that was an enormous help. But still -- it was rough. Probably for the best, moving forward, new things, blah blah blah; I get that. Still unbelievably stressful.

And then I was offered a new job the day before the wedding, with a Large Medical Editor that publishes several journals. I was thrilled -- still am thrilled, because I really do enjoy it, and I work from home, which I more or less enjoy most days. It's freelance, and is only part-time, and so I need to look for more freelance work to make up the balance. That, too, stresses me out. I worry about money all the time.

My blood pressure has shot up (I wonder why), but my doctor increased my BP meds and I'm working out harder at the gym, and that should help. t edit I hope.

My dad's health isn't great, which is something that I'm always generally aware of, but some days he does great and looks good, and other days, not so much. The wedding pictures really pointed that out -- that was not one of his better days, but he powered through because, hey, wedding. I'm just so grateful he could walk me down the aisle.

Tim's dad's health isn't great, either -- he's developing dementia, and really can't live alone for much longer, but insists he'll have to be carried out of his house in a coffin (as opposed to moving to assisted living). The next year is going to be really difficult, I suspect, starting with getting the family all on the same page (one of Tim's brothers thinks his dad is just being antisocial and is just fine when he wants to be; suffice it to say that I violently disagree, and think it's a grave disservice to ignore his increasing dementia).

So, huh. It doesn't sound like 2013 was that great for me (except, hey, wedding). It *was* stressful, no question. It continues to be stressful. But I'm still fairly happy most days. My life is really rich and full.

And I am, as always, so SO grateful for all of us, that I can come check in here any time and all my Buffistas are here. I love you guys.

So self-indulgent and whiny, it killed the thread. Boom.

Teppy, I didn't get to post with you in any of the relevant times (the announcement of the wedding, the losing-and finding-of the job, the wedding itself, even the posting of the lovely wedding pictures afterwards), so now you were generous enough to give me (oh, everything is so meMeME) a chance to tell you how happy I am in your joys, and how you were very much in my thoughts regarding the stressful and less-than-joyous parts of your year.

Also, I love the way you write - so clearly, so full of thought, and yet with such elegant turns of phrases.

Nah, I was just gearing up for my own reflection...

2013 was really, truly, a crappy year for me. And yet? I still know how lucky I am, especially in my family. The year started mourning the death of my cat, and then there was an enormous work clusterfuck in January. I think the spring was OK, but who knows. (Edit: Oh yeah! I went to Puerto Rico with my parents in the spring. That was very nice!)

My grandmother was in and out of the hospital, mostly with heart problems, in June and July, and she died in August from a totally different issue. That kicked off months of clearing out (by me and others) and renovating (by others) her apartment, in preparation for my moving into it last month. So far, the move has been great. It's nice to be close to my parents, and great to be in a huge apartment I can afford! I'm mostly settled in, but there is still a lot of my grandmother's stuff to clear out. Luckily, I have a spare bedroom now that it can all go in. At some point, I will be ready for overnight guests, though! The aftermath of my grandmother's death has really shown how close and wonderful my family is. The only fight has been over my uncle refusing to accept his (small) inheritance! We were definitely all missing my grandmother at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it was still great to be together.

Meanwhile, my father went missing overnight on July 1, which was obviously traumatic. His Alzheimer's is obviously worse and worse, and he's had a couple of seizures this fall, which were scary and certainly didn't help anything. Thank goodness he's still mostly as sunny and kind as ever. We'll see what the future holds there. The upside has been seeing how many great friends my parents have, and how strong their community is. I'm grateful for all of the support they have from other people.

Edit: I should also give a shout-out to my own friends, here and elsewhere, who have been enormous support to me. I needed the girls' trip to Vegas in August like never before, and had a great 40th birthday party last weekend.

And if that weren't enough, I got a new job this month! Sort of by accident -- I had been keeping my eyes open, and had interviewed for a couple of jobs earlier in the year, but had certainly put all that on hold while the move and etc. were happening. But I got a call from a great organization about what sounded like a great position, so I went for it, and got the job. So we'll see about that as well!

At the beginning of 2013, I would not have predicted this is where I would end up, but I feel pretty positive about my immediate future. But that could just be because I almost always manage to feel positive about every damn thing! Better than the alternative, I guess.

Happy new year, y'all! Even if your 2013 was great, I hope 2014 is even better.

Jesse, I'm not goint to copy-and-paste from what I wrote to Steph above, but you were very much in my thoughts this year, especially with all that happened in your family.

Also, in my so-much-skimming-it's-actually-skipping, I didn't know about the new job, so congratulations! I hope the new place will be at least as good to you as I'm sure you'll be for them.

that could just be because I almost always manage to feel positive about every damn thing! Better than the alternative, I guess.

I don't care how sappy it is - I think you're great. And not just because of JZ' wonderful description of your Secret Santa talents, too.

Happy new year, y'all! Even if your 2013 was great, I hope 2014 is even better.

Worth repeating.

so now you were generous enough to give me (oh, everything is so meMeME) a chance to tell you how happy I am in your joys, and how you were very much in my thoughts regarding the stressful and less-than-joyous parts of your year.

Oh, Nilly, thank you!!!

Also, I love the way you write - so clearly, so full of thought, and yet with such elegant turns of phrases.

And thank you for saying that, too!

Thanks, Nilly! You are great.

Nilly!!!!!

And thank you for saying that, too

I still remember something you wrote (and read aloud at some - oh, my sieve, I don't even remember what, where and why), about how writing was always a part of you, or rather, how you felt you were always part of writing. It not only had a beautiful ring to it, but also showed, in such few words, what you thought and felt regarding the whole subject. It's been years since I saw that sentence from you (goodness, maybe even a decade), but I liked it so much, it stayed with me ever since.

Scrappy!!!

Um, I don't need content. Just your exclamation points. I think you're great, too.

(I'm in front of the computer because I'm writing an exam for a class I'm teaching for the first time. Actually, I should be sleeping, but posting is so much more fun!)