In good news, apparently there's an organization that has youths who have been trained to work with special needs populations, and I put in a request for counselors who can help me with my weekly group so as to give me one-on-one guidance with the volunteer group (and I can stop fielding the inappropriate comments about one girls fantasy sexual partner. She only has to gasp and I feel like I'm intruding on a personal moment).

ita, I hope you feel better.

Me, I had a relapse of the vertigo. Which really sucks: I had to cancel a job interview because I couldn't even get dressed, much less take a bus into the city this morning. Hate this.

The best thing about the Pita Mellark (sp? guess?) joke is that he made it during the HG junket. His junketting made me like him so much more. As for J-Law, well.

Without googling, I think it's the Westermark effect that has adult never-before-met relatives fall for each other. Takes familiarity to breed the taboo, and without childhood exposure to build the reflex, genetic selfishness/egotism is unchecked. Although the barrier is ultimately mental and bolstered by societal definitions and rules, the taboo isn't taught.

At St. John's ER. MotherFUCK. The meds are pump, not push, and I won't even hint at a second round if this doesn't fix it as much as I'd like, but they've been remarkably accommodating and not shaming. Oh, and the service is fast. Two people in the ER, including me, constant apologies for next steps not having started yet, and...yeah. 6mg of dilaudid. Hopefully this will mute it enough so I don't miss any more work this week, and my doctor's craxxy idea that increasing my Wellbutrin by 33% will compensate for the missing pain med (my neck/shoulder flareup is responsible both directly and in- (insomnia) for this bad week.

Thanks (as always) for your support. It helps me not burst into tears while trying to act like a grownup.

I found two cool tumblrs today--medievalpoc.tumblr.com which is unerasing black people's presence in European historical records (lots of negroes in armour and shit that makes me want to storm a Ren Faire with what little melanin I have) and fuckyeahethnicwomen which is "just" profile raising. Stumbled on the first myself, found the 2nd when I raised oppressedbrowngirlsdoingthings in a discussion with an IO9 former Muslim woman of colour who was defending the idea of a heroine in a burqa (I'm pretty sure it wasn't even a burqa the noble white people were trying to rescue her from) when she mentioned the latter was a friend's blog and she runs the former.

I just hear an interview with the author of the superhero who dons a burqa: [link] Context matters.

I can't believe (in the way that means I can, but I am tired of it) how loudly so many people reject the idea of choosing to don religious clothing. Firstly, I want to see more complaining about super-observant women from other religions making the choice, and secondly, I want them to focus on what's making their knickers twist--CHOICE. Yes, it is mandatory SOMETIMES. And at other times, CHOSEN. If you can't tell the difference, stop trying to rip them off (just because women can go topless in, say, Ontario, doesn't mean that they have to be rescued from their bikini tops, fuckers).

It's anti-choice feminism with a dose of xenophobia and sprinklings of voluntary ignorance (who would choose to be different from me???).

And, yeah--niqab. The only Muslim coverwear outfit I can name is the djellaba, but I'm getting better at not-burqa, bit by bit. I assume the English name for the show is just simpler.

I used to have them all down. I think from Nine Parts of Desire. But I've gotten fuzzy. I should re-read that, it has been a while.

I like a bunch of the songs on people's hell list: Joy to the World, Tin Soldier, My Perogative (among others). And ITA with ita ! on tearing off hijabs and in general trying to FORCE people not to wear things.

It's anti-choice feminism with a dose of xenophobia and sprinklings of voluntary ignorance (who would choose to be different from me???).

Yuuuup.

Bryan Sims a legislator in PA was interviewed on Maddow's show tonight. He is super cute. And gay. Matt, you need to look him up.

I know this sounds like I can't even read my own handwriting, but MOTHERFUCK.

What a difference pain makes. I forget how not epically awful the world can be once the pain gets past a certain point. My cab ride to the hospital was me curled in on myself, every buffet of wind from the open front window felt like a blow to the head (hyperbole factor=0%, weight of boxing gloves =14oz), I hated the driver, everything was awful. At the hospital I started crying during triage, I couldn't remember that this bit of the neuro function test was where I squeezed her fingers, NOTHING.

Afterwards? Effusively discussing my bandaid collection with the nurse, chatted with the cab driver the whole way back, from traffic to birthday presents to anything, tipped him 25% because I felt bad for Teavanaing him so thoroughly...

I just...that's what being down to 3 or 4/10 feels like, as opposed to the 8 or 9 I've been hitting most of the week. There is no perspective from the bottom of the well.

Which doesn't make it more trivial--I just don't know how to explain that I'm not overreacting when it's like that, I'm reacting. That is what it's like, and without a map out, it keeps being that way. It is not sanely sustainable, at least not for me. And I don't think it's a depression they can medicate or talk or therapise my way out of. That is what /experiencing/ it is like. Otherwise they'd call it happiness, bitches.

::phew::

Okay, vented. Now for some fruit salad for dinner.