Especially in the 10 days before and during period, but also when I sleep really deep or long, I'll often wake up sweat-soaked like babies and toddlers do. It does wake me up, which I've always assumed is because it is a sleep cycle thing (like the sweaty babies) and just gets more crazy for the hormones.

msbelle, I just echo the find an outlet until you can see a dr. I've been hitting the rage a lot this past month, but for me, I know it is just because I'm stretched really thin with a lot of disruption to my routines (which soothe me,) and when that happens, I wear my civilization very thinly. Like yesterday. Also, acknowledge you are furious/ragely/frustrated.

Yesterday at the pool, I was seriously near angry tears in the showers after the kid puked and interrupted my swim. And I was all WTF. OK, sara honey, what's at the root? You wanted something NORMAL and routine, because nothing is this week. This is one of your safe places where you zone out. You were really counting on it today and it didn't go as planned. The reason you want to cry is not the thwarted continuous swim, it's that this week has been shit. OK, yeah, shit week. Now let's mock the absurdity of all this: RILLY MY LIFE? Nazi swim aerobics seniors, storms, puking kids, busted waterlines, 12 hrs travel for one day with family for a wedding, get me more ridic.(absurdity is a good redirect for me.) And then I wasn't as mad, just resigned and decided to wait to finish my swim rather than storm off angry at that fucking two-time puking kid.

I mean, my mom sent me chirpy email about how she was packed, and I was all SO NICE TO BE RETIRED I HAVE A JOB AND HOUSESTAFF OF ME ONLY WHY ARE YOU FLAUNTING YOUR LEISURE, but I didn't say that to her.

I've got the clothes mostly packed. Will decide on the pashmina/ cardigan for the dress tomorrow. Toiletries and stuff still to go. I might even have time to run the vacuum, but if not, oh well.

Of course, in my brilliance, I decided to dye my hair after all. At 11:45. Oh well.

I wish I had an answer, msbelle. Meditation, while not super easy when you are full of rage, might help? I like the app shrift mentioned the other day with its Pauses and Body Scans.

I have been feeling, lately, like I should take up boxing or something that gives me a reason to do some sort of punching. I don't know if it would actually make me feel better, but it certainly sounds appealing.

Rage can also be a sign of depression and/or anxiety....just a reminder.

Going off ADs and BD is a lot to throw at your body, if you did them close together. It might take some time, or it might not be worth going off everything.

Where ya goin, sara?

Ack, you guys, I have to stop reading all the #yesallwomen stuff. Not because I can't handle the stories women are telling, but because I can't stand the insidious negation of those stories that immediately follows. It's like being in Invasion of the Body Snatchers and realizing everyone else is a pod. (#notallpods)

So much this. I feel like a deep anger is settling into my bones that I used to be able to shake off. erin o's last FB post had me raging.

Yeah, for me, rage is a sign of depression. (It's actually a shallower stage of depression.)

On the other hand, if you really think about life, rage is a perfectly reasonable response. This fact makes it hard for me to deal with emotional regulation issues.

Middle of nowhere.

Well, not really, but Sioux Falls, SD. Cousin's wedding. Thank god this is the last of them, because while I am glad of the excuse of seeing family, what is super convenient for that twig of the family (family farm is an hour from there) is a PITA to get to from just about anywhere else (hence me driving 4 hours to get there today.)

Mom was getting all nostalgic last night and saying how we should go back there more often and I barely refrained from asking what she was smoking. It's lovely, for sure. And SF is actually a nice city with a lot going on. But it takes all day to get there. I can fly to the west coast faster.

On the other hand, if you really think about life, rage is a perfectly reasonable response.

This is where I keep landing, to be honest. But also wanting to be able to function in society because, fucked up as it is, it's what we have to work with. So.

Today I am wearing the pink dress I wore to the NOLA prom 9 years ago. Armor.

Bev posted a thing on her Tumblr about the two wolves within us, happiness and anger, and how the one that wins is the one you feed. It sounds trite, but I've been consciously trying to let go of the little things that make me angry -- traffic, bad drivers, broken things -- and it's helping a little.

Sometimes that feels a little ostrich-like, but I'm tired of being mad all the time.