I forgot to say shrift's hair was lovely! As is shrift.

You're 88, Mom. Save it for what?

That's what I've been telling my parents, who are in the process of moving to a one-bedroom apartment. They're only 70, but I said, if you're not using the china now, and I don't want it, why lug it over there just to stuff under the bed?

They're only 70, but I said, if you're not using the china now, and I don't want it, why lug it over there just to stuff under the bed?

To be fair, there's a lot of fear about losing things--they're already losing their youth, and their friends, and now they're giving up a lot of stuff that helped define them. My mother refused to the very end to give up the enormous china cabinet with her good china in it, and it's in the apartment still. My dad was sad to give up the enormous mahogany bureaus they'd bought when they got married.

So my sister & I saved a lot of stuff just so we could tell them truthfully that the most important and valuable family stuff was safe in our basements. At some point we'll go through it all again and find homes for some of it. Maybe.

I vote use the china! My mother started using hers regularly not that long ago, and it's great. So keep it, but not under the bed.

Yeah, both my parents have a lot of STUFF. My dad collects stamps, and my mom is a bargain hunter (doesn't matter what is it, what matters is how good a DEAL it was!). But even stuff like the furniture, I think there's only one or two pieces I'd even possibly want. My mom has a couple of Hoosier cabinets/pie cabinet things, but they're just not my style. There's a wardrobe that was a great-grandmother's, but I can't really see lugging it to Seattle, and likewise I figure my sister will get the chair our great-grandfather made. Other than that? Photos is about it. Mom's not one for jewelry.

To be fair, there's a lot of fear about losing things

Oh, my mom knows she saves stuff for no reason. She's been really good about keeping the things that have meaning, and not the things -- like two dozen various china bunnies -- that don't anymore.

Like, we put all the pictures aside for her to go through a little at a time -- they've never been all in one place before. And my sister-in-law's taking the china, and we took a bunch of duplicate kitchen stuff found in the back of Mom's pantry.

I know I'd hate my kids passing judgement on what of my stuff is worth keeping.

Well, eventually they're the ones that have to make that judgement. My siblings and I have conversations with our parents about stuff they want to keep but that the 3 of us have no interest in having to deal with later. We'd rather they sell it now so they can do other things that they enjoy or gift it to someone that it would mean something to so that they can enjoy the happiness the gift-ee receives. And sure - there's a good chunk of "get rid of as much stuff as possible now so we aren't dealing with it later" that my siblings and I are operating under. We'd rather do it when they are both cognizant and when we can get the stories than when they are not operating with all of their faculties and dealing with "stuff" is another stressor.

Then again, after having gone through this with her parents and my dad's parents, our mom now meets us at the door with a roll of making tape and a marker and says, "Go claim three things." Our great-grandmothers china cabinet has all three of our names on the back.

We also went through all of the Christmas ornaments/decor as a family and each sibling chose pieces they wanted, we "auctioned" or "competed" for pieces we all wanted and Mom and Dad got to say "donate", "trash", or "keep" for the things we didn't want. We made a family event with food and drink. It was actually pretty fun and it reduced 15 boxes of Christmas ornaments at our parent's house to 3.

I know I'd hate my kids passing judgement on what of my stuff is worth keeping.

If you leave it all to them, though, what do you think is going to happen?

We'd rather do it when they are both cognizant and when we can get the stories than when they are not operating with all of their faculties and dealing with "stuff" is another stressor.

This.

I was just encouraging my Dad to get rid of his guns. None of us want them and he could get good money for them.

They've done it now with 2 households and know enough of what a pain it is to get it. Still they do not seem in any rush to start the downsizing. grr.