Well, eventually they're the ones that have to make that judgement. My siblings and I have conversations with our parents about stuff they want to keep but that the 3 of us have no interest in having to deal with later. We'd rather they sell it now so they can do other things that they enjoy or gift it to someone that it would mean something to so that they can enjoy the happiness the gift-ee receives. And sure - there's a good chunk of "get rid of as much stuff as possible now so we aren't dealing with it later" that my siblings and I are operating under. We'd rather do it when they are both cognizant and when we can get the stories than when they are not operating with all of their faculties and dealing with "stuff" is another stressor.

Then again, after having gone through this with her parents and my dad's parents, our mom now meets us at the door with a roll of making tape and a marker and says, "Go claim three things." Our great-grandmothers china cabinet has all three of our names on the back.

We also went through all of the Christmas ornaments/decor as a family and each sibling chose pieces they wanted, we "auctioned" or "competed" for pieces we all wanted and Mom and Dad got to say "donate", "trash", or "keep" for the things we didn't want. We made a family event with food and drink. It was actually pretty fun and it reduced 15 boxes of Christmas ornaments at our parent's house to 3.

I know I'd hate my kids passing judgement on what of my stuff is worth keeping.

If you leave it all to them, though, what do you think is going to happen?

We'd rather do it when they are both cognizant and when we can get the stories than when they are not operating with all of their faculties and dealing with "stuff" is another stressor.

This.

I was just encouraging my Dad to get rid of his guns. None of us want them and he could get good money for them.

They've done it now with 2 households and know enough of what a pain it is to get it. Still they do not seem in any rush to start the downsizing. grr.

If you leave it all to them, though, what do you think is going to happen?

I'd rather deal with it after the fact than hear another elderly relative break down into tears and say "You just want me out of the way."

She *finally* showed up, near 1. And knows 15 different ways to heal it (shame bon didn't get to hear that--all my vaunted conversation training went out the window) but she was very helpful. As was bon.

My parents are up to date now. Concernedly gobsmacked about sums that up.

Now I need to tell my boss--my plan was to go into the office Wednesday, but my mother helpfully pointed out that right ankle injuries in a country where you drive on the right--not so simple. So I need to work that out. I thought the issue would be moving the laptop, but that seems simple now.

My sister has split my parents' possessions, and that might be reflected in their wills, which got updated when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. I know for some reason I get my father's money and investments, but it's under my sister's name now, and she's supposed to give it to me upon his expiration, which is weird. But simple.

I'd rather deal with it after the fact than hear another elderly relative break down into tears and say "You just want me out of the way."

My mother is pissed that neither of us will take her gold jewellery. We've told her to start buying silver then. We'll take that.

I hope the dishes don't go to just one of us. Not fair for either of us--they have so many sets of china, and they're all great. I'm attached to the ones they got in the 60s and early 70s--don't know if my sister cares. But the last full set was, I think, bought in Russia, which is deep into collection as opposed to setting the table.

My parents have made it easy for us: Any item not labelled and remaining in any of the houses gets sold. The houses and land get sold. Everything not covered under those descriptors gets sold. Money is split three ways.

My mother asked me if I wanted my sister to come wait on me hand and foot--I said no, but I really should force her to suggest it on principle.

She just offered! She has a trip to a friend planned starting Wednesday, though, so no matter how sweet the offer is (duress or not) it wouldn't be practically valuable--I need NEED to work out how to drive by Friday (father suggested renting a car that's kitted out for people who can't use their legs to drive--that's a brilliant solution if I could find one...).

Okay, now to bite the bullet and alert the boss man.

My parents, sister, and I talked about dividing things long before anyone died, and--possibly because my sister and I both expressed interest in some things--there didn't seem to be any problems about the things neither of us wanted. When Mom died a fair amount of her stuff was sold in a garage sale, but that's partially because Dad was selling the house and moving into a senior apartment complex. But in the process, a lot of things my sister had given to both of them were sold. She'd always been more in tune with Mom's taste and I with Dad's. Emotions were running high, and my sister was pretty upset.

Dad had been a serious rock hound, and had the second bedroom in his apartment filled with stones and equipment. After he died my sister and I weren't sure what to do with it. But the one cousin who bothered to show [insert whole other rant here] mentioned that she was getting into rock hounding and teaching related stuff at her school. We loaded her car so full of rocks and related paraphernalia that her rear axel almost dragged. So something he loved went to family and education, which would have made him very happy.

People's lives can be so different than their parents'. Dad's dad lived on a farm and left an entire barn full of tools to Dad--useful on a farm, but what's a suburban teacher going to do with them? And, more to the point, where could he have kept them?