My U closes at 2 p.m. today, and doesn't open again until 9 a.m. on Jan 6th, hurrah!

We're visiting the DH's family in Kansas City for a couple of days, and one of his aunts just announced she has pertussis. She says she's no longer contagious, but I am not sure she's a reliable witness.

Il be in Kansas City, too.

I have the week off, but I'll be taking work with me

I lost the LDB game because I had the song on my own iPhone! It's a really groovy version by the Hoodoo Gurus: [link] [WARNING: LDB!] probably sent to me by Hec, but I still lose.

Ahhh, yes, the Trojan Horse play.

Yeah, that one is on my power pop xmas mix.

brain dumping here cause at the moment I am alone and so can cry.

Grandma is just alive. Not talking, not eating, taking liquid by dropper. Her heart is showing no weakness. Her breathing has remained strong during the day, but at night she has breaks in it, up to 20-30 seconds, but one day will be lots of break, the next almost none. She is on no medication now, only medical issue at the moment is the beginning of a skin sore on her backside from being in bed with no movement for days. Her 3 children are all with her, have been there for 3-4 days together. It is emotionally exhausting for them, but with nothing to do. I hate feeling like we are all just waiting for her to die.

Today I am going over to my parents' house and putting up their Christmas tree. Not sure why Dad did not do it while mom has been gone, but no way she will feel like doing it, but it needs to be up. Grandma LOVED the holidays and she loved decorating and probably 1/3 of the ornaments on their tree were made by her or from her, so it needs to be up. I think I will also take the time when I am over there to look through photo albums of pictures of her. I have almost none at my house.

Mac is doing everything to avoid the topic of GG dying, but we talked about it quite a bit at therapy on Wednesday. He gets very mad. He does not want to hear that she lived a long life and that somehow makes it ok. He wants to avoid the topic at all costs. Thankfully I remember getting FURIOUS with everyone the moment I walked into the viewing room for my Grandfather when I was in college. I had cried when hearing of his death, I had spent time with family crying and hugging and was all fine and whatnot, but the second I walked in that room and saw just a part of his face in the casket, it was a giant case of HELL NO. I screamed and froze and would not get closer. THAT was not my Granddaddy and everything in the world at that moment was wrong and horrible and I hated it. My dad started coming to me to offer comfort, I assume and I screamed at him to go away and take care of his mother. I yelled at my young socially awkward cousin for laughing as we left, I wouldn't ride in a car with anyone else. I was DONE with everyone and everything and fuck it all. SO I shared that with mac (minus the cursing) and told him that I get that may be how he feels, so I promise not to try too hard to just hug him to make it better when she passes. It's ok to be really mad and he will not have to go to any of the services that he doesn't want to, but I will be there to hug him when he is ready.

Aw, msbelle. It's so hard.

Oh, msbelle. Yeah, I got really angry at my mom's funeral too.

Good luck dealing with this, msbelle.

ION, I need a ruling. I just heard the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version of LDB. Except i'm in a restaurant and the volume was low enough that I only heard Bowie singing the lyrics that are not LDB-Bing is the one who sings the LDB lyrics and his voice was too low for me to hear over the ambient noise here. And I couldn't hear the music at all.

So I'm still winning at LDB, right?

Oh, msbelle.

Bing and Bowie LDB on the radio just now.

eta: Tommyrot and I are listening to the same radio station.

I'm so sorry msbelle. My heart goes out to your whole family. Death is just so hard. Your response to mac's anger is just so on target and loving and beautiful.