Aims, it's not the same thing (nothing is the same as anything else, though, is it?), but whenever I break/damage/destroy something, I still physically and mentally brace myself to get screamed at like it's the end of the fucking world, like putting a hole in the bathroom window screen means the house is about to collapse around us and it is ALL MY FAULT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!?!?!
Same thing; I dealt with it in therapy, and 8 years of being with someone who reacts proportionately to my ability to destroy things *still* hasn't gotten me to stop expecting the worst. (First time it happened, I dropped an almost-full plastic gallon jug of milk on the floor, and the vertical seam up the handle split open, and milk, being a liquid, went everywhere. I just...froze. And then started saying "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over, and Tim just shrugged and said, "It's only milk," and grabbed the paper towels. I burst into tears.)
A big part of my therapy time these days is talking about how much I still want my parents to forgive me for making them so angry at me.
That's exactly it, Steph. Between her wailing and screaming and that stupid jangle, I was transported back to being 9 years old, and little, and in pain, and being confused about what was happening and ugh.
I'm all emotion-hungover this morning. I have some coffee and banana nut muffins and maybe my hate-watch (thanks, smonster for that phrase - I love it.) of VM season 3 will help me get regulated.
I want to wrap you all in warm emotionally safe comfort blankets.
A big part of my therapy time these days is talking about how much I still want my parents to forgive me for making them so angry at me.
t points and nods
I still feel like the reason my parents were so sick is because I caused it, somehow. Of course, having my therapist tell me that it was my fault when I was 8 didn't help that particular schema.
A big part of my therapy time these days is talking about how much I still want my parents to forgive me for making them so angry at me.
Boy, do I get that. Hard. Or wanting my mom to forgive me for being selfish enough to want her home instead of out partying most nights in the post-divorce years.
AS A CHILD YOU WERE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE UNCONTROLLED EMOTIONS OF YOUR PARENTS! THEY WERE THE G-D GROWN-UPS!
I am not yelling at you all. I am yelling at the world. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. Also? PUPPIES..
I will go find pictures.
Everyone gets the magic blankets and a lap to lay down in so your hair can be smoothed while soothing coos are made in your general direction. The stuff you should have gotten as kids.
Well, fine -- If you want to be all logical and non-dysfunctional.
t hugs msbelle, hard, for being just plain awesome
Please know I worry myself sick that the times I have lost it with mac have scarred him for life. This is why you all sharing with us is so important and probably more important than us wrapping you all in love. There is so much strength in you sharing. There is power in you all letting it out. It helps countless others and you are heroes.
