There is no scale of importance for pain or unhappiness. If you want to talk about it, we'll be happy to listen. If you want hugs, we will offer hugs.

Many hugs to all who need/want them. Connie, I am keeping you and Hubby in my thoughts throughout this whole nightmare. erin_o, here's hoping for the very best outcome, and I'm glad at least that you have a doctor who takes your concerns seriously and is able to come up with a plan for treatment.

Tep, I don't know the particulars of your own situation, but I am also feeling right now like I don't want to admit to all the things I feel like I'm failing at. For me it's mostly a case of "not enough time in the day," and what usually falls by the wayside is spending time with M. Which sucks, because, gosh, I like hanging out with him, and I know we both get a little sad when we don't get enough time to reconnect; and then I feel guilty because I suck at being a good wife/partner. Blah.

Congrats! Do you need tips or help re: campus visits? Happy to offer if I can help.

Thanks! I don't have any questions yet, but I'll gladly take any tips.

Lots of ~ma for everyone. Seems like a lot of stuff is hitting a lot of people this week.

Two onerous tasks completed! I think I have finally convinced the alumni association at the college I dropped out of that I am not in fact an alumni, and they really need to stop calling me for donations and sending me mailers. And I should have my urgent medical supplies by tomorrow, which is only a couple weeks later than I was supposed to have them. Now, I'm off to my pre-op appointment.

Man, looks like a rough morning around here.

Erin, best possible outcome-ma for you and your parts (was gonna say ladyparts, but I didn't want your liver to feel excluded).

Steph, I'm sorry you're having a rough time and I hope you get an upswing soon.

Kate, lots of enough-minutes-in-the-day-ma.

sj, glad things are coming together and I hope the trend continues for you.

Connie, continued ~ma for you and DH. Loved that FB photo of him, he looks like quite the character.

Ginger, I've been reading the tips and helpful hints you've been providing lately (actually, kinda always, just with varying topics) and I wanted to say thanks. I'm sorry you've had to go through such a crapload, but I'm grateful you've gained wisdom that you've been so willing to share.

And now, back to Standard Procedure Manuals, catch y'all later.

~ma and hugs all round. I figure even the hug averse can take them from this far away.

e_o, I hope for the best possible outcome.

Teppy, ordinary life bullshit is often that proverbial straw. Or don't push me cause I'm close to the edge. DH keeps saying that as my new personality causes me to snap at people. Which kinda shocks them.

As a distraction I will entertain with my most distracting dream. It goes against my nature to be anxious or jumpy in any way, but I have been so lately. Maybe from life, maybe the medication I will be dropping not soon enough. I'm always thinking whoever is driving me is going to sideswipe a car or not stop fast enough. No fun. Also, the symptom that something was amiss was that I had hypersensitive sense of smell and taste. These thing clearly are intruding on my dream time.

So in the dream my cautious sister is my designated driver and she is driving wild and crazy. Like the video game Crazy Taxi if anyone ever played that. There are other people in the car too. She is running over medians, over sidewalks, sideswiping cars. Some cars she just kinda runs over half way. I am getting very upset and screaming and such. Everyone else is like, chill already, what is your problem. No one else seems to have an issue. So now I am afraid that I am hallucinating and I don't know which is worse, my sister driving like a maniac or telling my family that I am hallucinating now.

It was quite unpleasant.

I had a dream this morning, I really want to tell you about and I'm trying to figure out how to do so briefly...avoiding being boring.

It began on that misty-white plain that stands in for Heaven or the afterlife...where Mr. Jordan trod, for the elders among us.

I found myself in a small, plain room with a round table that took up most of the space.

Around the table sat all the significant characters in my family: Father, mother, step-mother, her mother, Aunt Mary, and a few others.

I took the opportunity to thank each of them for the things they gave me, for better or worse.

As I spoke to each of them, they walked out a door too my right, into the misty plain.

After the last one left, I went to close the door and discovered my father’s mother hiding behind it.

I had not seen her before. She is always the sneaky one. The one with whom I have never reconciled in my heart. I just can't conjure an excuse for her behavior and have not one single positive memory of her.

I just looked at her in dismay, struggling to find something to say. She has always been the hiding place for my non-forgiveness. I stopped, took a breath and then was able to say, “I keep a clean house because of you. I do crossword puzzles because of you.” And then I shuttled her out of the room.

When I turned around to look at the empty table, but there was something new there.

A cake. Round and just the right size for the group. It was frosted in brown with a word piped on the top. “Debt”.

I turned to the open door and called everyone back. “Come back here. Come right back. This is here because of you. You have to eat it.”

They all came back and everyone took a piece. Some ate it right way and left their plates, heading out the door again. Some took the full plates with them.

I went to the table, to clean up and noticed that the cake serving plate was like you’d expect. Frosting left over…but there was also a chunk of cake left. As if someone only took 2/3 of their slice.

Just as I wondered how I could clean it up, Bartleby ran into the room. He hadn’t been there before, but just like in life, he was there for me 100%. I makes me cry every time I think of it. I put the plate on the floor and he cleaned it up withthe same loving gusto as ever. He looked up at me and then ran out of the room.

It struck me that he did not inflict any of the damage on me that the others had, but that he was there to heal me. And he did.

Laura has now ear-wormed me with The Jungle. Possibly not an everyday occurrence.

Laura, that sounds awful. I couldn't sleep last night either because I was all jittery for some reason. And my neighbor was moving around doing something which made sounds and made my house creak and kept freaking me out thinking someone was creeping through the house. Ugh. (I want my roommate to come home! I sleep better when there's someone else in the house, my brain can blame any sounds on them)

Good Bartleby! I'm glad he got some cake as a treat too.