I was targeted in middle school. While the actual acts I've put behind me, I've always been baffled by Why? What triggers the predator instinct in other kids? Is it enough to be smart and willing to show it? My family wasn't any poorer than the rest of them, I didn't have any observable differences--unless red hair counted--and I wasn't trying to interfere in anyone's relationships. And I didn't hang around the middle school/high school kids afterwards to ask them later. Ah, well, another thing to ask Elijah when he shows up.

While I think there probably is some distinction to be made between exclusionary behavior and bullying. In my experience, one often leads to the other. The little ones who are deciding that they don't want to play with certain kids and are telling their friends they can't play with them either are likely to be the bullies in the older grades.

I think the line may be between not wanting to play with someone and convincing all their friends to exclude the same kid ... and, often, letting the excluded kid know that they're being shut out.

wrod.

I think the line may be between not wanting to play with someone and convincing all their friends to exclude the same kid ... and, often, letting the excluded kid know that they're being shut out.

And then there is the next level. Exclusion or even blunt exclusion were fond memories once they ramped it up flat-out harassment.

The thing that still tends to still effect my behavior to this day were the girls who would be nice to me, compliment me, etc either to laugh as soon as I walked away or to try and get me to say something that could be made fun of. I am still so suspicious of people who are nice! That was 2nd - 5th grade. I don't think people were particularly mean after that-- there was just a hierarchy established and we stuck to it.

There are benefits to having been excluded so long that they've forgotten you exist.

That was 2nd - 5th grade.

To this day, I call sneakers "gym shoes" because the Mean Girls in the 2nd grade made fun of me for calling them "sneakers". I suppose I could try getting over it, but, I've got a lot bigger baggage to handle, y'know?

(Of course, they also made fun of me for pronouncing "barrette", "crayon", and "spaghetti" correctly, and I didn't change my pronunciation to make them happy, because they were stupid.)

Does anyone know anybody who was a Mean Girl? Have they ever explained why they did it?

There are benefits to having been excluded so long that they've forgotten you exist.

It may depend on the child's personality. For the shy child that would prefer to read, run around catching butterflies, or engage in other solitary activities, being excluded and forgotten may be a fine situation. For the more gregarious child, being forgotten may be an improvement over being harassed, it probably wouldn't feel as good as for the shy child.