I'm at the math conference now. I have coffee and a thing that calls itself a bagel. (It is not. It is a roll.)

I bet its even crap for a roll.

Hang in there, sj!

The procedure didn't work. I have to decide if I want to try it in the office or the hospital next month. If I took 3 Advil at 9:30, when can I take more?

Now.

People never call me brave when I feel brave, only when I feel completely fucked up.(Which makes me wonder, is that what they think my life is always like, so they can't picture me watching Bourdain and waiting for my fingernails to dry?) Ironically, the older I get, I sort of get why kids gave me a hard time in school. Not only was I a "Jerry's Kid" but I was the kind of one who thought she could make friends in kind of a poor neighborhood by explaining how they are different things from what I had. Kids are so *square*, man. Especially for a group that gets all the credit for whimsy and imagination and what-have-you--one-to-one, sure, but in groups? Little puritans. "You eat weird fruit." "You laugh at stuff I don't know."

I too was bewildered about how the foil was going to work to get smonster out of bed in the morning.

Lots of ~ma, sj.

I think I am also resistant to calling it bullying because the behaviors are almost unconscious. They don't realize what they are doing, even when called on it. It's almost like kids have to learn to be respectful and considerate of others, being an asshole from time to time comes naturally.

Yeah. I mean, it's a tough call, because you don't want to overuse the term to the point where it has no meaning, but you also don't want to let things slide as kids will be kids.

I was severely bullied, largely in middle school. I was often excluded and picked on in elementary school, but it was a whole order of magnitude difference there. There are three instances in six years of elementary school that stand out (two where it was specifically about me, one where it was about me being in the gifted kid group and I doubt they even knew my name), but middle school was a constant, daily torture.

The former was hurtful. The latter was scarring.

~ma to Hil and to sj.

I bet smonster would be awake after she unrolled the sheet for her treat.

Unless my treat is JGL*, you severely underestimate my capacity for going back to sleep.

* YES PLEASE. Although then I'd be awake but not interested in leaving the bed. Ever.

I was targeted in middle school. While the actual acts I've put behind me, I've always been baffled by Why? What triggers the predator instinct in other kids? Is it enough to be smart and willing to show it? My family wasn't any poorer than the rest of them, I didn't have any observable differences--unless red hair counted--and I wasn't trying to interfere in anyone's relationships. And I didn't hang around the middle school/high school kids afterwards to ask them later. Ah, well, another thing to ask Elijah when he shows up.

While I think there probably is some distinction to be made between exclusionary behavior and bullying. In my experience, one often leads to the other. The little ones who are deciding that they don't want to play with certain kids and are telling their friends they can't play with them either are likely to be the bullies in the older grades.

I think the line may be between not wanting to play with someone and convincing all their friends to exclude the same kid ... and, often, letting the excluded kid know that they're being shut out.