bonny, thanks for the tips. Unfortunately, a baby gate won't work - Xusha has arthritis so he can jump higher than she can. And he's smaller than both the cats, so he can get where ever they can. Will ponder the other things - I don't want to scare my animals off the bed. Oh, and I've shared your tips with the roomie.

The article we were discussing was more about situations where kids were excluding other kids but not being pervasively aggressive or targeting them. More where kids are figuring out power relationships or not wanting to be friends with everyone and parents overreact, which was not at all the case with Aims and Em, who I wasn't meaning to include at all when I responded to GC and Burrell. I'm sorry if I articulated it poorly; end of a long day and my brain isn't working so well.

I bet smonster would be awake after she unrolled the sheet for her treat.

Perhaps I'm being ridiculously dense, but I fail to see the meaningful distinction that many people seem to see between "kids being assholes" and "bullying."

Eh, I think doing stuff like not being friends with someone/not inviting them places is not bullying. It may suck and kids may do it in an assholic ( or emotionally undeveloped) way, but it's not the same as not being friendly? And then it can totally cross a line into bullying when it's all "everyone is invited to my house...but NOT you" or whatver.

I actually think that that's sort of representative of some of the reasons anti-bullying campaigns are so rarely effective (and they are rarely effective). No one thinks they're the one being a bully because they're not the kid from A Christmas Story.

I can totally see this, though.

I forgot smonster asked for advice on the dog and thought bonny was giving her advice for getting out of bed on time.

This gave me a real-life belly laugh. Cheers.

situations where kids were excluding other kids but not being pervasively aggressive or targeting them.

That's the distinction I was trying to make in Franny's case. She wasn't targeted, and she was never told that this thing or that thing about her was bad, but she was often the one who was on the outside.

I think I am also resistant to calling it bullying because the behaviors are almost unconscious. They don't realize what they are doing, even when called on it. It's almost like kids have to learn to be respectful and considerate of others, being an asshole from time to time comes naturally.

It's almost like kids have to learn to be respectful and considerate of others, being an asshole from time to time comes naturally.

I think empathy develops late. Some kids have it earlier (Matilda does) but generally most kids don't have a sense of other kids suffering until they've suffered themselves. It's another kind of privilege in a way - because you don't see it. You take your status for granted and don't think about people being excluded.

I'm at the math conference now. I have coffee and a thing that calls itself a bagel. (It is not. It is a roll.) I've got one interview today and one tomorrow.

~ma, Hil! Sorry about the crap bagel!

Interview~ma Hil.

I'm in the waiting room. I don't think they gave me enough Valium.