Because being the one to get the scoop is fan-goddamn-tastic.

Getting the scoop is the best! So much fun. You get linked and attention and stuff!

But, yes. I definitely value being trusted and respected over getting the scoop.

YAY (new) boss validation!

Once, on the job previous to the current, I handed in some editorial work to my boss. I had cleaned up the hot mess that was his tables and figures, and he looked at it and said, "oh, don't bother, we don't care about that; that's just editing." Excuse me? What am I here for? NO respect. I stayed in that job about three weeks; I never bugged out of a paying position so fast ever.

I need to designate somebody and give them passwords to all my online destinations so H can contact them if I get hit by a bus or something.

I have a letter, or info sheet really, of what to do in case I die or disappear, that I keep updated and give to my three best friends and my sister. It has the make, model, and license plate of my car, the contact info for all four of them, all my contact info, the names of my cats, the login/passwords of places where they'll need to announce my untimely demise, and anything else I felt they'd need to know. It makes me feel better knowing they have it. If they ever need that info, at least they'll have it all in one place.

Daniel, I'm sorry about your job, but I'm SO GLAD you are out of a toxic workplace.

Staying at my dad's a few days ago, while he was on his trip to Africa, I noticed that he and his wife left out their will/trust papers. Yes, I looked. Apparently, I'm second on his end of life decision maker list, after his wife. Would be nice if I knew his wishes - but I can't ask without telling him I was snooping.

I also don't really get how a trust works.

My shaky understanding of a trust, based on my sister's explanation of hers, is that a trust doesn't have to go through probate. If the owner of a trust dies, the assets held in the trust go to the beneficiaries, simple, as would happen with an insurance policy.

Despite my tag, I defer to those who know more about it than I do.

Since both my dad and his wife are part of the trust - (and this sounds so morbid to ask) do they both have to die for there to be a distribution of assets?

I believe so. There is often gifting upon the death of individuals. And even though my Dad had trusts, we still went through (are going through) probate. Estate planning is complicated and can be done in a million ways. It's better to talk about it, if you can. Which, honestly, I can't most of the time. It's tough even without trying to bring it up after casual snooping.

Since both my dad and his wife are part of the trust - (and this sounds so morbid to ask) do they both have to die for there to be a distribution of assets?

I think that depends on how a trust is written.

I feel horrible for snooping. But I've been trying to figure how to ask since my mom died. My main concern is if I do have to be "the one" who makes medical decisions. I don't really know his wishes and they didn't appear to be spelled out in the pages I skimmed.

I have a friend whose brother just had a horrible heart attack and is technically brain dead, but different parts of her family are arguing over what should be done and pulling "the one" in very different directions.

Suzi, could you bring it up that way? Mention your friend and the surrounding kerfuffle, and sort of sliding into, "If I was your designated person, how would you want me to proceed?"