My shaky understanding of a trust, based on my sister's explanation of hers, is that a trust doesn't have to go through probate. If the owner of a trust dies, the assets held in the trust go to the beneficiaries, simple, as would happen with an insurance policy.

Despite my tag, I defer to those who know more about it than I do.

Since both my dad and his wife are part of the trust - (and this sounds so morbid to ask) do they both have to die for there to be a distribution of assets?

I believe so. There is often gifting upon the death of individuals. And even though my Dad had trusts, we still went through (are going through) probate. Estate planning is complicated and can be done in a million ways. It's better to talk about it, if you can. Which, honestly, I can't most of the time. It's tough even without trying to bring it up after casual snooping.

Since both my dad and his wife are part of the trust - (and this sounds so morbid to ask) do they both have to die for there to be a distribution of assets?

I think that depends on how a trust is written.

I feel horrible for snooping. But I've been trying to figure how to ask since my mom died. My main concern is if I do have to be "the one" who makes medical decisions. I don't really know his wishes and they didn't appear to be spelled out in the pages I skimmed.

I have a friend whose brother just had a horrible heart attack and is technically brain dead, but different parts of her family are arguing over what should be done and pulling "the one" in very different directions.

Suzi, could you bring it up that way? Mention your friend and the surrounding kerfuffle, and sort of sliding into, "If I was your designated person, how would you want me to proceed?"

Or segue into it with the friend's issues, state your wishes, then ask what theirs are?

Presumably you should be putting the same things in place for YOUR kids... it could be a morbid bonding experience.

Also, a trust for dealing with financial assets can have nothing to do with a medical directive.

Presumably you should be putting the same things in place for YOUR kids... it could be a morbid bonding experience.

Hah--my sister and I went through it one Christmas and are basically on the same page, but my brother in law was horrified at how we discussed it. You'd think he know us by now. (We were both of the "pull the plug once everyone has gotten there/had a chance to say goodbye, and donate anything you can except the face. Because tha would be weird"