And if money is tight, can we help?

bonny, I think she needs to pay for the tetanus too. don't sell yourself short.

$$ may be tight, but you assume financial responsibility when your pet injures another, whether $$ is tight or not. Who does she expect to pay when the bill comes due?

bonny, I'm even madder at her now. She is telling herself a story wherein she is not at fault. her financial stressors are likely part of the unconscious impetus for that story*, but that doesn't really matter. She is. I know suing is probably the last thing that you want to do, but maybe start with a letter laying it all out and a bill? Sent certified mail?

We're all carrying a debt like this and I'm certainly not clearing mine with what I'm chipping in... but maybe its a debt we never "clear". Maybe it's an honor to carry it. Maybe it's a trust. Maybe you get to pay it back forever as much as you can.

Yup. I have been the beneficiary recently of generosity from both family and friends (including Buffistas), and it is touching and a bit overwhelming. There is such a strong culture of financial independence in this country that there is a lot of shame and guilt attached to needing help.

Maybe the tiny silver lining in this super shitty dark cloud economy is a strengthening of community - I'm speaking generally and not just of Buffistas. I have an acquaintance who celebrates Interdependence Day on July 4th every year.

I am so frustrated with work right now that I am a heartbeat away from going to buy a pack of cigarettes. Too long to splain or sum up. Just... AAAARRRGGGH.

* It reminds me of my former roommate who dicked me over for a couple of hundred dollars in water bills. I think she was so broke she convinced herself it was my fault that I couldn't get the landlord to chip in.

Thanks, everyone.

My business partner came this morning and took me to breakfast so that I could take my prescriptions without having to cook. I feel better.

le nubian, you said what _I_ would say if it were happening to someone else. If Cagney, god forbid, ever injured someone, or destroyed property, or whatever, I'd do whatever was necessary to fix it.

The thing that truly rankles is that I leash trained this woman's previous dog. I have worked with her other dog, who is dramatically dog aggressive and have been nothing but appreciative of the efforts she makes to care for the many, many creatures in her life. And, honestly, she is an angel for the creatures. I've always loved that about her.

But, in this instance, her first assumption is that I did something wrong. It just doesn't compute. I was totally calm about this whole deal...actually, much calmer than even _I_ could believe...and never once said a bad word about either her, or the dog. Thus the, 'you are such a good sport' comment.

In chatting with my friend this morning, I think I'm seeing a pattern of people in my life, for whom I've been super helpful or really 'there for them', who take that as some sort of sign that I can be walked on.

I don't get it, but I'm certainly seeing it.

Not sure what to do about it, but G and I both agreed that the answer is NOT to suddenly stop caring about others.

It's just...the former friend and I have been here for each other for a dozen years. It just doesn't make sense.

Pix, thank you so much for asking about finances. Right this minute, despite staggering debt, I'm holding my own. That might not last, but I'm not in immediate danger.

Bless all our hearts. I can't even express how grateful I am for your presence, your advice, your humor and, to be honest, your indignation. It all helps so much.

In chatting with my friend this morning, I think I'm seeing a pattern of people in my life, for whom I've been super helpful or really 'there for them', who take that as some sort of sign that I can be walked on.

I don't get it, but I'm certainly seeing it.

Not sure what to do about it, but G and I both agreed that the answer is NOT to suddenly stop caring about others.

It does seem to be a pattern in your life, and I certainly don't have any answers or particular insight. Just sending you love right now, and please let us know if there's anything we can do. Ask for what you need, girl. You won't always get it but the odds are certainly better than if you don't ask.

she's blaming you? Is she aware that if it had been a stranger that the possiblility of her dog being put down is high? ( it takes two attacks around here - and a bite that doesn't break skin counts )

Of course , you will get ips and scratches -- it is part of you work.

I am glad yo are seeing a pattern, because I see it too. And you're right, the solution is not to stop caring, but to start seeing. Maybe the sign is in how they react t generosity? I don't know.

I hope you are feeling a little better today

Everything everyone has said goes for me, too. Hopefully former friend can see how her behavior is incorrect and checks herself.

And echoing what smonster said - ask. We will do anything we can to help the situation. From the practical (like Pix's offer of financial help) to the pointless-but-can-make-you-laugh-at-the-image (like a smiting from me! I haven't smote anyone in quite awhile! I can smote for you, if you'd like!)!!

the answer is NOT to suddenly stop caring about others.

No, of course it's not -- and furthermore, I don't think I can ever imagine you NOT caring. It's too fundamental to who you are. But I agree that it's a pattern, and I wonder if part of it comes from equating "caring" with being there for, well, anything. Which isn't necessary or even really caring. It's absolutely a pattern you know how to recognize in dogs and owners, but it's worth applying to people relationships too. Your boundaries are sacred, and they just need a little shoring up right now.

(And I'll totally step off the armchair advice-giving now. It's too easy a way to stomp right over someone else's boundaries, for one thing.)

But, in this instance, her first assumption is that I did something wrong.

Legally, it's her dog, and therefore her responsibility.

Morally, if you *had* been negligent in some way, I totally understand that you would shoulder the ER expense. But there is NO WAY in which you were negligent in this situation.

Her dog. Bit you, repeatedly, while you were trying to keep it SAFE from running in the street. HER dog. She needs to pay your ER bill.

Is she aware that if it had been a stranger that the possiblility of her dog being put down is high?

That is a fucking excellent point.