she's blaming you? Is she aware that if it had been a stranger that the possiblility of her dog being put down is high? ( it takes two attacks around here - and a bite that doesn't break skin counts )

Of course , you will get ips and scratches -- it is part of you work.

I am glad yo are seeing a pattern, because I see it too. And you're right, the solution is not to stop caring, but to start seeing. Maybe the sign is in how they react t generosity? I don't know.

I hope you are feeling a little better today

Everything everyone has said goes for me, too. Hopefully former friend can see how her behavior is incorrect and checks herself.

And echoing what smonster said - ask. We will do anything we can to help the situation. From the practical (like Pix's offer of financial help) to the pointless-but-can-make-you-laugh-at-the-image (like a smiting from me! I haven't smote anyone in quite awhile! I can smote for you, if you'd like!)!!

the answer is NOT to suddenly stop caring about others.

No, of course it's not -- and furthermore, I don't think I can ever imagine you NOT caring. It's too fundamental to who you are. But I agree that it's a pattern, and I wonder if part of it comes from equating "caring" with being there for, well, anything. Which isn't necessary or even really caring. It's absolutely a pattern you know how to recognize in dogs and owners, but it's worth applying to people relationships too. Your boundaries are sacred, and they just need a little shoring up right now.

(And I'll totally step off the armchair advice-giving now. It's too easy a way to stomp right over someone else's boundaries, for one thing.)

But, in this instance, her first assumption is that I did something wrong.

Legally, it's her dog, and therefore her responsibility.

Morally, if you *had* been negligent in some way, I totally understand that you would shoulder the ER expense. But there is NO WAY in which you were negligent in this situation.

Her dog. Bit you, repeatedly, while you were trying to keep it SAFE from running in the street. HER dog. She needs to pay your ER bill.

Is she aware that if it had been a stranger that the possiblility of her dog being put down is high?

That is a fucking excellent point.

Oh bonny, I'm sorry. Please let me know if there's anything that I can do. I can be fearsome when properly motivated.

smonster, I hope the day gets better for you.

bonny, I am speechless, but I think smonster has the right of it:

She is telling herself a story wherein she is not at fault. her financial stressors are likely part of the unconscious impetus for that story*, but that doesn't really matter.

I'm sure she wants to believe that she bears no responsibility in this matter, and perhaps the fact that she wasn't there plays into that as well. But when you own an animal, you take responsibility not only for their needs, but also for their actions, as much as possible. She is the owner, and her dog badly injured you while you were trying to keep him safe. The LEAST she should do is take responsibility for your medical bills, if she can't be arsed to care about anything else.

Man, I'm just imagining a situation in which one of my cats scratched and bit the hell out of someone. I would be falling all over myself to apologize, and for damn sure I would pay for any medical bills incurred as a result. No question. Sheesh.

(OK, I guess I wasn't speechless after all...)

We're all carrying a debt like this and I'm certainly not clearing mine with what I'm chipping in... but maybe its a debt we never "clear". Maybe it's an honor to carry it. Maybe it's a trust. Maybe you get to pay it back forever as much as you can.

I love this, and I believe it strongly. Very well said, Trudy.

Is she aware that if it had been a stranger that the possiblility of her dog being put down is high?

Not just a stranger--a less dog-sensitive person than bonny, period. Hell, is she confident that her dog will only repeatedly bite adults? On the arms?

Awful as it is, bonny's the *best* person in the world for her dog to bite, because she's going to think of the dog first the whole way through, and put the dog's safety and wellbeing ahead of her own. Many many people, no doubt also some of her friends, will not (and some could not, if children are involved) make that same call.

She should be throwing money at bonny's treatment and recuperation in gratitude for still having her pet.

Jesus.

DC law would probably not hold this woman legally accountable for the bites (it's weak on owner responsibility). Morally, this woman should pay, and she should be apologizing all over the place. Legally, she's probably off the hook.

(Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, esp when I'm never much around anymore.)

We're all carrying a debt like this and I'm certainly not clearing mine with what I'm chipping in... but maybe its a debt we never "clear". Maybe it's an honor to carry it. Maybe it's a trust. Maybe you get to pay it back forever as much as you can.

Echoing everyone else's sentiments. While the largesse I've received has not been monetary, it has saved my life and my sanity. What everyone did for me after Rob's cancer diagnosis and his sudden death is simply amazing. I still cannot adequately express how much it means to me. It's not something I can ever pay off. I can only hope that I pay it forward.