Ugh, meara. Indeed. Hope you find a new good AD.

Leah, insent.

So I recently reconnected with my immediately-after-high-school boyfriend via the book of face. He and his wife have been living off the grid in PA for decades and people keep doing documentaries on them. He's been very nice, offered me a room to stay any time I visit. Another good guy ex, I'm very lucky (just visited my ex Henry and his wife last Sunday).

I kind of forgot about this and it comes and goes from my thoughts. I was debating telling him this story​ but decided that would be a bad idea. I think of it when I think of him, the nice Eagle Scout ex boyfriend, because it happened the night he broke up with me, but he didn't do anything wrong.

The night that Ted broke up with me... Background-- I was working as a full time nanny in my hometown, I was the primary adult (at 18) like ~12-15 hrs a day. The mom was in the hospital for months with complicated back surgery, the dad was owner and editor of a newspaper in a bigger nearby town, a wealthy country club family. So Ted broke up with me, the dad came home and I told him that, and he started really talking, engaging with me. Then he asked if I wanted a drink. I was so flattered, and underage for alcohol. Of course I did. He kept plying me with alcohol, mixing weird stuff, I passed out, came to with him on me, clothes off, so, yeah, I guess rape. Except I was so naive, parents had said sex is between people who love each other so often, I thought he was saying he loved me. Young, dumb. I didn't tell anyone. He never did it again. That's just part of the story though.

A local friend told me some years ago that the dad did the exact same thing to a young man in one of the towns, and the young man was so enraged he beat the dad to death with a lamp base. She told me about it because she'd read about the trial of the young man for the murder of the dad, and remembered I'd worked for them.

Weird story, right?

Wow, Java! Just awful on so many levels.

A really wonderful person died today. Fuck cancer and fuck not having universal health care coverage.

And I'm very sorry you experienced that, Java. Fuck rapist pieces of shit, too.

Oh no. Fuck cancer and fuck rapist pieces of shit and fuck not having universal health care. I'm sorry, Glam, and Java, I hope the memory doesn't bother you much. You were probably right not to tell the xbf.

I'm sorry you that happened to you, Java.

Glamcookie, I'm sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer, indeed. I'm not quite sure how to step up my game on working for single-payer, when it seems like treading water on the ACA has us up to our ears.

I'm sorry Java, that you experienced that.

Fuck cancer and lack of health care and all the smug bastards out in the world.

I'm so ready for this week to be over. I'm feeling emotionally spent and I have my appointment with the shrink tomorrow.

Progress though instead of being emotionally spent on dealing with everyday stuff it's all the old root stuff. I can't believe I'm saying this but I kind of miss the familiarity of anxiety attacks. Having to stay present and feel this is hard.

Also I made chocolate sugar cookies. As a reward well the baking was more the reward than eating.