Teppy, I understand that. It is a hard choice to make. I'm dealing with miserable side effects at the moment, but right now even the possibility of a light at the end of the tunnel is worth it for me.

I've had such a hard time with the side effects of ADs that I'm really hesitant to go back on one. (And I do realize there are a ton of them out there, so in theory one might exist that wouldn't give me terrible side effects.) I mean, I *do* get it. I am WAY worse than I've been in a long time. Maybe ever. Meds would probably help, except it's increasingly hard to find one that works and doesn't have terrible side effects for me.

This is the boat I'm in also. So far, none of them have been worth the side effects, and I've been too scared/too tired to start trying new ones. But maybe it's time to try something new.

Along those lines, can I please have a sign that says, "ask me if I'm feeling better in 6 weeks" so that I can stop repeating myself?

Ah, Steph. I'm sorry things are so shitty right now. I hope that your therapist can assist so you feel more you. You mean a lot to us, friend.

Steph, I'm sorry things are so hard and awful right now. I fervently hope they'll get better for you, and that your brain will stop torturing you.

Steph I do understand about feeling that this will never end.

I'll be honest, at one point I thought I'd never be able to get through a day without having very intrusive self harm thoughts. It was scary and freaky to be sitting on the couch and have this image of hurting myself pop in my head. Or just the feeling that I was going to get worse and worse and never better and I was.. useless and a waste.

It's changed, slowly but it has. I honestly thought those self harm thoughts were my new normal and for awhile they were, but now I have a New New Normal and that New New Normal is me fighting my way out of the dark.

You'll get there. I have faith.

If you don't have any work at this moment, then your job at this moment is self-care. If that means your favorite movie and a snack, cool. If it means a nap, cool. If it means venting to us, cool. This definitely sounds like a moment where self-soothing is priority number one.

Meanwhile, I have spent all morning twisting my brain into pretzels and stressing about how long this task is taking. I haven't made a single cut yet. Some of this is me dealing with an error from my former coworker, but I just get tangled in my thoughts and then am scared to make a mistake. Which is a big problem for me, I need to learn to embrace mistakes and not overthink but it's so haaaaaard.

I was gonna say stuff, but smonster said it all better (and first), so I'll just point at all of her posts and nod vigorously.

You know, every time I heard that line, I sang it and punched the air like a badass. Until about 2 months ago. Now every single time it makes me cry. I can't imagine not feeling like this. I don't think things will ever, ever be better.

I find that "Wait For It" strikes the perfect balance between badass belting and crying while listening.

Sometimes take it hour by hour.

You guys, I just can't. My bro and SiL are divorcing (she cheated on him and has always has been a horrible person - nice job, bro). She thought she was moving out and dating this guy she was doing - he dumped her when he found out she wanted to get serious. She had two job interviews and thought she had both in the can. Nope, not a one.

She came home from shadowing someone on one of the jobs she ended up not getting and my bro had left a bunch of boxes and packing paper out for her to start packing it up. She apparently freaked the fuck out, called her mom hysterical and now her mom is calling my mom. W.T.F.

I had to tell my mom to just keep saying, "This is between J and N. I have no say in it." Bro is remaining firm that he's done. Why the fuck does my mom have to have this stress - and by extension, ME???

I have knots in my stomach waiting to hear back from my mom when she's off the phone with N's mom. My mom has called me in tears many times since this happened - this shit is not right. And neither of these "parents" is doing the right thing with their kids. I'm furious with both of them. I'm just DONE. Adult, people!