Props to mom, sj!
Tep, I hope a night's rest has smoothed the feels out even a little bit.
And let me add, I really admire you for working (as in job-work) through a major depressive-anxiety episode? Even though the self-doubt ducks are gnawing away at you, you're still doing it (and I am positive you are doing it well), and I know full well that it is SO HARD.
I tried and failed, rinse and repeat, until I had to stop trying for a good long while, so I am giving you ALL THE PROPS.
You're working, you're socializing, you started improv -- that's actually really some badass "Fuck you, depression aand anxiety!" you've got going on.
It will get better, I promise. It's hard to judge actions from the inside of a d/an x tornado, but from my POV, you're working hard and doing better than you might think.
I didn't sleep great, and I woke up several times thinking that the clothes hanging on the bedframe were a severed horse's head. Which I know sounds like I'm trying to be funny, but it was SUPER real at the time and scared the shit out of me, but I didn't want to wake Tim up because I was sure the horse's head would freak him out, too.
I didn't get enough sleep, and I tried to go back to sleep after I woke up at 7, but my brain is running at a million miles an hour and I can't.
So, not really doing any better, plus exhausted. But I genuinely appreciate everyone's concern. A lot. Thanks, everyone.
I feel like the "best" damage control I can do is figure out how to live with this level of constant worry and sense that something else horrible is going to happen at any minute. People do, right? People live with this, so it has to be possible. I just need to figure out how to do it.
When's your next therapy appointment? This sounds like the perfect thing for a therapist to work on.
I do like the thing that's been going around on Tumblr, where you picture Donald Trump as the voice of your depression or anxiety. So when he says, "No one likes you," you can say, "Shut the fuck up, Donald," and it feels good.
I can't say whether this works or not, but the opportunity to say "Shut the fuck up, Donald" should never be wasted.
When's your next therapy appointment? This sounds like the perfect thing for a therapist to work on.
Tomorrow morning, fortunately. I just have to make it until then.
What Dana said. I'm sorry your night's sleep wasn't restful.
Also, what Strix said. I've never been able to work during a major depression.
Also, what Strix said. I've never been able to work during a major depression.
I don't really have a choice. I can't lose this job.
I did something like the Donald Trump thing when I went to the beach. I had to drive through Tallahassee and I can't stop all the negative stuff that just rushes back BUT this time I decided to say "fuck you" to all of that - literally I flipped off every place that had a bad feeling attached to it as I drove by (kind of discretely I didn't want other drivers to think I was flpping them off,
I did it on the way back too and it staved off a lot of the feelings and anxiety.
Steph I'm glad you are seeing your therapist tomorrow. I've found that the single biggest thing that has helped as been a good therapist. But my current one and the one in Vermont.
I didn't think I'd ever live outside of the hurt and crushing anxiety and they have both helped in some many ways.
