All the questions about "rate your pain" were frustrating. I have had chronic pain for years so, when pain pushes me to actually ask for help it is because it has gone over my "normal" threshold. So time and again, she would ask "you marked that doing blah only occasionally hurts" and I'd answer "well, it always hurts, but only recently does it make me change the way I move".

The other fun bit was I had mentioned that my right foot often falls asleep around the 1 mile mark of any walk. She asked if the shoes I was wearing were my workout shoes and they were. She ended up relacing them for me and while I haven't gone for a long walk yet, I can tell it feels better already. I've seen graphics about ways to lace your shoes depending on foot needs, but hadn't clicked that I may need to do that.

One thing that often helps me when I'm feeling guilty for paying for stuff like that is remembering one of the Anne of Green Gables books. I think it's Anne of the Island. Whichever one it is, it's the one where Anne is in college. She and a few of her friends decide that, rather than staying in boarding houses, they'll rent a house together. And one of the very first things that they do, once they make that decision, is that they invite the great-aunt of one of them to come "keep house" for them. It's just taken as obvious that keeping house is a full-time job, and the girls can't possibly be expected to do it while they're in college.

Also, on TV shows from the fifties, the women seem to always be cleaning something or cooking something. It's kind of ridiculous to expect that standard of cleanliness when every adult in the house has a full-time job other than keeping the house.

And, if you make sure that you hire a service that treats its employees decently, then you're helping someone have a job. A bunch of the refugees that I teach have gotten jobs with cleaning services, and they seem to like it.

Speaking of which, one of the people that I teach with at Refugee Resettlement invited me to a Yom Kippur break fast gathering that she's having. I'm trying to decide whether to go. It would be nice to meet people, I guess, but after fasting for 25 hours, I'm almost certainly not going to have the mental capacity to deal with a house full of strangers, and with having to figure out which food is vegan.

My parents had someone in to clean every other week. They both worked full time, and they felt it was as useful a way of outsourcing household labor as having a mechanic change the oil in the car or buying pre-sliced bread.

I think there's an undervaluation of household labor in our culture. It's work. If everyone in the household already has jobs, it makes sense to offload some of the household work, especially if it's physically challenging or just tedious.

I hope to get to a point where I can hire a house cleaner myself.

Hil, I'm going to print out your comment and keep it on the fridge to remind myself: keeping a house is a full-time job, and it's not reasonable to expect myself, a chronically tired person, to keep a sparkling Mrs. Cleaver house while working a full-time job that I actually get paid for.

I'm constantly beating myself up because I don't/can't work full-time AND keep the house always clean AND read lots of books AND keep up with my hobbies AND... Some people can, but I can't, and I feel very ashamed of it.

I keep saying I need a wife. And a personal assistant.

I keep saying I need a wife. And a personal assistant.

Ain't that the truth. I have told DH repeatedly it would be a good plan for us to get a wife, personal assistant, and/or masseur. We have Christina in once a week. He calls it reboot day. We work hard. We don't do a good job with the floors and baths and stuff and she does. Also, neither of us want to do it. It is a small price to pay for the sanity it provides.

My house is dirty. My motivation this year has been pretty much devoted into sobriety (10 months, 12 days!)

I'm caught in the cycle of my house makes me so depressed, I get major anxiety because I'm struggling to even do the bare minimum for non-toxic living,and I don't clean, and my house makes me so depressed. ..

And D has been struggling with his own depression this year. The house stress us both out, and exacerbates our respective depression.

I'm skipping a therapy session to get a cleaner in next week, because we've both tried to deal with this, and we both feel pretty shitty and loser-y about it.

I've had it done once, and yes, I felt weird when both cleaners were Latinx. But then I remind myself that I have held plenty of jobs that people looked down on -- I was literally a maid for some lovely Jewish neighbors in high school, for their large holiday gatherings, and I didn't feel demeaned, because they treated me with generosity, and though I was the hired help for the evening, I always was seated at the table with the family for the service and dinner.

So as long as I treat the people providing a much needed service for me with respect and regard, I remind myself that it's OK to pay a fair price for a service well-rendered.

Oh yeah, that's part of it too--I feel so much better when the house is clean. But so hard to motivate to do it when it's not!

It hasn't worked out for me, but I have known people that had buddy systems for house cleaning. Where they would join forces with a friend and do both places. One person may like laundry more than floors and/or kitchen more than baths so they split stuff up that way.

My motivation this year has been pretty much devoted into sobriety (10 months, 12 days!)

That is wonderful to read! Very proud of you. I know it ain't easy.