Teppy, putting on my professional hat, I would 100% recommend a cleaning service for you. I can't write a prescription, but I can give you a Doctor's Note. You should not be injuring yourself to do something you neither need nor want to do, especially if there's an easy way to Not Do That.

Signed, Dr Debet Esse, OTR/L

Lots of ~ma for you, Steph.

Incidentally, this business of "I *could* do the cleaning (I would just injure myself)". Oh Teppy. You are worthy of care. Your value does not lie in working at the tasks of taking care of your home until you must sacrifice your health and well-being to do them. If you have not come across a long-handled scrubby thing that will help you do the work WITHOUT HARMING YOURSELF, then hiring a cleaning service is an excellent option. Hell, you know what, with the year you and Tim have had, you deserve to treat yourselves. Hire out the cleaning, use your extra time and energy to do something fun. Like lying around on the couch listening to your minions clean for you.

This, I think, is another circumstance where the principle of talking to yourself the way you would talk to a beloved friend might be of assistance. What would you say to a friend? Something like, "Please don't hurt yourself. I love you. Please, for me, take care of yourself," maybe? Or there are other ways to say it. But it would be said with love. And it would be encouraging, and it would help you want to do the thing.

Listen to Dr. Debet!

You are not alone in your complicated feelings. I think others are right about the centuries of guilt weighing on us. It's another form of internalized sexism. You are an adult who gets to make choices about how you spend the your time and money.

I also get the bitterness and denial of physical and mental limitations. Those are huge for me, especially right now. It's tough and scary. Hope you can ride these waves of self-judgment and make the decision that is actually best and wisest for you and Tim.

Hell, you know what, with the year you and Tim have had, you deserve to treat yourselves.

TREAT YO SELF.

Heh. Dana beat me to it.

Also, ~ma!

Oh, I want a traditional wife, who does nothing but take care of the house and household business. Or perhaps I want a butler or house manager. It's too important a job to foist it off on someone who became enamored of someone else and perhaps agreed to the arrangement in a moment of weakness.

To people who use rollers for plantar fasciitis in the feet--how hard do you press, how often do you do it, how soon do you see a result, how is it supposed to feel?

Hmm. Not so hard that you're in agony, but with enough pressure that you're actually digging into the ligament a bit, not just surface-level pressure.

I would say it hurts in that way that stretching a sore muscle does. You can tell there's a bit of resistance, but you're not hurting yourself further.

I had a PT evaluation yesterday to work on the lower back pain I've been having after going for long walks (long for me is a mile, but I'm going further and further each time). Apparently most of my muscles are as tight as a drum and while the others are weak from not having to put in the work thanks to the tight ones. And my walking gait is all f'ed up (I lead with my left hip apparently). So, PT twice a week on the other side of Denver for the next few weeks. I could go to a PT closer, but this is the office where Kelly works and her boss is "magic". Plus, I will HAVE to put in the work - can't skip exercises when Kelly will check up on me.

Steph, I feel all of that. I hate accepting physical limitations, I hate having a messy house, and I hate the thought of hiring someone to do it for me. But just accepting the mess isn't going to happen.