Steph, I feel all of that. I hate accepting physical limitations, I hate having a messy house, and I hate the thought of hiring someone to do it for me. But just accepting the mess isn't going to happen.

lower back pain I've been having after going for long walks

Is that a hamstring thing? If the hamstrings get all tight, they pull on your back excessively.

Teppy, agree with everyone else, the house cleaner I have is the best thing ever and I would give up cable before I give up having a cleaner. I have zero excuses of kids or illness or whatever (I'd blame my depression except I'm pretty sure the cleaning part is just lazy--I'm fine putting things away, but hate dusting/mopping). As Dr Debet said, you have a prescription for this. It will make you so happy! (And potential bonus: if you can convince Tim that some stuff needs to be put away in order for the cleaners to clean, it might be some impetus, even if that means "frantically run around the half hour before they come, putting things away"--that's what I do)

Yeah, this whole thing where I have to keep the house spotless in case there's a showing is really starting to wear on me. It takes probably 10 minutes at night and 10 minutes in the morning, but I'd much rather do several things in one big cluster than make my bed every morning, put my charging cord away, fold the blanket on the couch, make sure there's no paperwork sitting out, deal with any dishes, put dirty clothes out of sight...

Is that a hamstring thing? If the hamstrings get all tight, they pull on your back excessively.

If I remember correctly, my hamstring was one thing that wasn't messed up. Everything down from my hips and my upper spine are all super tight, making my lower back do too much work. I mean, I knew I was out of shape but I didn't realize how badly or that just walking would be enough to make me finally seek help.

My chiro yesterday said, "Boy, are you stressed" and spent the rest of the appointment shooting me worried looks.

I hope the PT helps things get better quickly, Suzi.

Everything down from my hips and my upper spine are all super tight, making my lower back do too much work.

I think I was remembering this but attributing it just to the hamstrings. I'm glad you're getting PT for it -- a sore back really sucks (I was going to say "a sore back is a pain," but that's kind of self-evident).

All the questions about "rate your pain" were frustrating. I have had chronic pain for years so, when pain pushes me to actually ask for help it is because it has gone over my "normal" threshold. So time and again, she would ask "you marked that doing blah only occasionally hurts" and I'd answer "well, it always hurts, but only recently does it make me change the way I move".

The other fun bit was I had mentioned that my right foot often falls asleep around the 1 mile mark of any walk. She asked if the shoes I was wearing were my workout shoes and they were. She ended up relacing them for me and while I haven't gone for a long walk yet, I can tell it feels better already. I've seen graphics about ways to lace your shoes depending on foot needs, but hadn't clicked that I may need to do that.

One thing that often helps me when I'm feeling guilty for paying for stuff like that is remembering one of the Anne of Green Gables books. I think it's Anne of the Island. Whichever one it is, it's the one where Anne is in college. She and a few of her friends decide that, rather than staying in boarding houses, they'll rent a house together. And one of the very first things that they do, once they make that decision, is that they invite the great-aunt of one of them to come "keep house" for them. It's just taken as obvious that keeping house is a full-time job, and the girls can't possibly be expected to do it while they're in college.

Also, on TV shows from the fifties, the women seem to always be cleaning something or cooking something. It's kind of ridiculous to expect that standard of cleanliness when every adult in the house has a full-time job other than keeping the house.

And, if you make sure that you hire a service that treats its employees decently, then you're helping someone have a job. A bunch of the refugees that I teach have gotten jobs with cleaning services, and they seem to like it.

Speaking of which, one of the people that I teach with at Refugee Resettlement invited me to a Yom Kippur break fast gathering that she's having. I'm trying to decide whether to go. It would be nice to meet people, I guess, but after fasting for 25 hours, I'm almost certainly not going to have the mental capacity to deal with a house full of strangers, and with having to figure out which food is vegan.