I'm staying home today. There's nothing that I absolutely have to do at the office, and everything hurts, and I'm running low on painkillers and can't get more for ten days, so I'm rationing them.

I'm really craving falafel. I have no falafel. There's a Lebanese restaurant down the street from me, but they don't deliver, and I'm hurting too much to go get food there.

I hate my body.

Now I'm craving falafel too, but I don't feel like driving into the city to get it. So I'm at the coffee shop instead having a blueberry muffin and an iced chai. I guess whatever surge of energy I had that made me want to clean and organize all the things is over.

This day has ended with me bung a stressball. Es after school thin changed from 330 to 4 at some point and T (his step mom person) texted to meet us at 415. But at that time I was thinking it was almost over and I'd take him home.

I'm feeling stressed and grouchy and I'm super anxious about my dentist appointment so I rescheduled until next week.

In more New Apartment Likes Carrots news, I'm chopping 7 miles off my commute, which is 7 miles of the most congested area in my town, with the offramp to get to one of the local universities. Such a fine time of year, as all the students re-learn how long it's going to take to get to class.

YAY for the new apartment Connie! keep posting about it, I like hearing about it.

How wonderful, Connie! Congrats on the new digs and truncated commute.

So, I fell asleep after lunch, and slept until about 9:30. That was not my plan for today.

My therapist texted me this morning and asked if I wanted to come in when he ahd a cancellation.

I really really really didn't want to but I did because I cancelled on Tuesday and I've had an overwhelming urge to miss tomorrow and next Tuesday.

I felt like I was dragging my inner adult was dragging both my inner parent and inner child to therapy. And I sat there for most of it feeling like an angry teenager. We were talking about various things and I started to say one of the self criticisms and when I was actually saying it out loud I heard my mother's voice, almost like I was remembering her say whatever it was (I've forgotten now) and it may have been something I said. It was one of those "a ha" moments.

Then I got home and Dad came over (his phone doesn't work on the mountain so he can't call because neither house has landlines) and we went to lunch. Without thinking I wasl ike "oh you should come over tomorrow and watch the game"

So now there is that going on. My plan now is to skp hterapy, have Dad and E over, spend sometime dealing with these feelings I'm having and just letting them be instead of fighting them and then push forward.

Quick attempt at a meara:

Erika, big hugs and lots of love for you. I'm sorry for your loss, but happy for your good memories.

sj, solidarity fist bump or gesture of your choice. I hope your good days greatly outnumber the not-so-good ones.

askye, I hope the therapy continues to help, even when it feels like you're just barely managing to tread water.

Hil, all the good-date wishes in the world for you.

Connie, yay new place!

Cindy, I'll keep a good thought going for you and your family.

Steph, I'm so glad it wasn't anything awful. And best wishes for continued good rapport with the therapist.

And everybody: Hi. It's awfully good to be back among you; I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay, but I'll do the best I can.