I'm really craving falafel. I have no falafel. There's a Lebanese restaurant down the street from me, but they don't deliver, and I'm hurting too much to go get food there.

I hate my body.

Now I'm craving falafel too, but I don't feel like driving into the city to get it. So I'm at the coffee shop instead having a blueberry muffin and an iced chai. I guess whatever surge of energy I had that made me want to clean and organize all the things is over.

This day has ended with me bung a stressball. Es after school thin changed from 330 to 4 at some point and T (his step mom person) texted to meet us at 415. But at that time I was thinking it was almost over and I'd take him home.

I'm feeling stressed and grouchy and I'm super anxious about my dentist appointment so I rescheduled until next week.

In more New Apartment Likes Carrots news, I'm chopping 7 miles off my commute, which is 7 miles of the most congested area in my town, with the offramp to get to one of the local universities. Such a fine time of year, as all the students re-learn how long it's going to take to get to class.

YAY for the new apartment Connie! keep posting about it, I like hearing about it.

How wonderful, Connie! Congrats on the new digs and truncated commute.

So, I fell asleep after lunch, and slept until about 9:30. That was not my plan for today.

My therapist texted me this morning and asked if I wanted to come in when he ahd a cancellation.

I really really really didn't want to but I did because I cancelled on Tuesday and I've had an overwhelming urge to miss tomorrow and next Tuesday.

I felt like I was dragging my inner adult was dragging both my inner parent and inner child to therapy. And I sat there for most of it feeling like an angry teenager. We were talking about various things and I started to say one of the self criticisms and when I was actually saying it out loud I heard my mother's voice, almost like I was remembering her say whatever it was (I've forgotten now) and it may have been something I said. It was one of those "a ha" moments.

Then I got home and Dad came over (his phone doesn't work on the mountain so he can't call because neither house has landlines) and we went to lunch. Without thinking I wasl ike "oh you should come over tomorrow and watch the game"

So now there is that going on. My plan now is to skp hterapy, have Dad and E over, spend sometime dealing with these feelings I'm having and just letting them be instead of fighting them and then push forward.

Quick attempt at a meara:

Erika, big hugs and lots of love for you. I'm sorry for your loss, but happy for your good memories.

sj, solidarity fist bump or gesture of your choice. I hope your good days greatly outnumber the not-so-good ones.

askye, I hope the therapy continues to help, even when it feels like you're just barely managing to tread water.

Hil, all the good-date wishes in the world for you.

Connie, yay new place!

Cindy, I'll keep a good thought going for you and your family.

Steph, I'm so glad it wasn't anything awful. And best wishes for continued good rapport with the therapist.

And everybody: Hi. It's awfully good to be back among you; I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay, but I'll do the best I can.

Karl!

Great to see your pixels!