I like both of them, Nora. Good luck!

erika, not letting others' dysfunction feel like they belong to something inside yourself is almost impossible. From what you've said about him, I can see why you think he is likely to ghost. I hope Laura is right, though.

My inlaws are probably not coming today because TCG's stepmom' snack is giving her trouble, and I'm the terrible person who is only thinking of how this is affecting me. ION, why does no one deliver lattes?

I'm sorry about your messed-up relationship with your father, erika. I never had a normal relationship with mine either, well they divorced when I was 5 and he never came back so not much relationship at all really. It's so hard to figure out how you feel about a troubled and troublesome parent, or even what you really want from them. IME if they're just going to be shits to you and leave, better off without them, but not like that doesn't hurt too.

Nora&Tom, I wanted to yell GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT but felt that was inappropriate, so I'm personally very happy you're thinking of moving! That was just too frightening, y'all deserve to live in a place where you can feel safe. (Well, everyone does.) The first house is cute with that center fireplace, but I might come down there and fight you for the second one.

I . . . have felt like this for most of my life.

Connie, me too. fwiw, you are so not alone. I thought it was just the way I am, but so many traumatic things happened to me before I was even 5, I'm not sure I can ever sort out the "normal" me from the PTSD me. PTSD is a real thing, warzones not even necessary.

Speaking of which, the psychiatrist's office has not called me back. Of course not.

There's a part of my brain that tends to shriek at change and look for the catastrophe that is surely lurking around every corner. I've begun thinking about it as a scared, panicked child, and as soon as I formulated that thought, my executive function said, "Calm down, have a kitten," and the panic settled right down with the mental kitten my sub-conscious conjured. Really, a perplexed, grey-striped kitten. So now when the panic about moving starts kicking up, I mutter "Here's a kitten," and I calm right down.

Brains are weird.

Often I feel like I'm "trapped" in my anxiety, where all I feel is my anxiety and I can't look at my situation objectively.

What I try to do in those situations is tell myself, "I am a person with anxiety. I carry my anxiety with me most all the time."

Then I picture myself going about my day, with my "anxiety cloud" following along dutifully besides me. This gives me space to think about the situation rationally--I have two perspectives, the anxiety floating besides me and the rational perspective of "that's just my anxiety."

This tends to help a lot.

eta: My anxiety cloud always floats along at my right side. Dunno why.

There's a part of my brain that tends to shriek at change and look for the catastrophe that is surely lurking around every corner. I've begun thinking about it as a scared, panicked child, and as soon as I formulated that thought, my executive function said, "Calm down, have a kitten," and the panic settled right down with the mental kitten my sub-conscious conjured. Really, a perplexed, grey-striped kitten. So now when the panic about moving starts kicking up, I mutter "Here's a kitten," and I calm right down.

I might have to try that. Because -- completely independent of the horrible year I've been having -- I loathe change, and my lizard brain always registers it as a bad scary thing, at least initially. But maybe I can offer it a kitten to get it to chill the fuck out.

Then I picture myself going about my day, with my "anxiety cloud" following along dutifully besides me. This gives me space to think about the situation rationally--I have two perspectives, the anxiety floating besides me and the rational perspective of "that's just my anxiety."

Oooh, I may try this, too!

But worst of all, it can make it seem like things will never get better.

This is the exact issue that I'm trying to deal with in analysis right now.

But worst of all, it can make it seem like things will never get better.

This is the exact issue that I'm trying to deal with in analysis right now.

The fact that you're trying to deal with it puts you leaps and bounds ahead of the people who *aren't*. (Or, you know, the people who posted 2 days ago that they were going to look for and then contact potential therapists...but then didn't follow through.)

Seriously, it's a shitty, bleak thing to be dealing with, but you're trying. And that's awesome even when it feels horrible.

My anxiety cloud always floats along at my right side.

Interesting! My anxiety is like being surrounded by the visual and auditory static from a old television on a empty channel.

(Or, you know, the people who posted 2 days ago that they were going to look for and then contact potential therapists...but then didn't follow through.)

This girl did follow through! I had to leave a message because no psychiatrist's office has ever answered a ringing phone, and they never called me back. So today I have to do it again. Already I hate this psychiatrist. Whoever he is.

The anxious part of me says "People who are right in the head don't assign names and personalities to the parts of their own psyches," but then I tell myself it's better than talking to myself.