Mmmmm, data! Being well informed is helpful, at least it is for me.

I found my learning disability about 8 years before it was confirmed by a professional, from an article at the dentist that was, like "Your Kid's Hidden Learning Problem(dyscalculia. I would have felt dumb, except I had almost everything.) I am a little better at arithmetic than, apparently, one might expect from most dyscalculia people so nobody thought to look. Or else they spent too much time on whether I had clear handwriting or was worried that boys wouldn't like me if I "worked to full potential"(Still the stupidest in a lifetime of stupid conversations) And I suppose they call it a spectrum for a reason, after all.

And I suppose they call it a spectrum for a reason, after all.

Yeah, and the frustrating thing for any disability/developmental disorder/mental illness is that it tends to get defined/stereotyped by the extreme end of the spectrum. You can do some math, so you "don't have" dyscalculia. I'm happy sometimes, so I "don't have" depression. Tim never loses his keys, so he "doesn't have" ADD.

Very very frustrating. (Of course, the flip side is the people who say "If it's a spectrum, then EVERYONE is autistic!" No, honey. Everyone is NOT.)

I think self-diagnosing when you get new information, after dealing with certain circumstances you just learn not to talk about because *everybody else **doesn't** deal with them*, which makes you weird and broken and you just don't talk about it, is a huge relief.

Learning as an adult and into my forties and fifties that I'm not weird and wrong and strange, that I don't just have ADHD, I'm actually on the spectrum, that eating nightshades or wheat make me sick, that asexuality is a thing and I'm not just wrong and broken, has been huge and empowering information. The doctors and counselors I've seen have concurred with my conclusions. I've been offered tests to confirm, but I wouldn't feel any better with "proof" in my hand, or my file, than I do when a doctor accepts a self-diagnosis from empirical evidence, and we proceed accordingly.

Even when it's a deviation from "normal," putting an accurate label on something means I've not just been a screwup from childhood, there's a *reason* I don't do well in some circumstances. And that's both validating and a huge relief.

It also sucks when everything you do gets labeled, but I'm not sure the answer to that is that everyone makes up their own name for everything. There is part of me that thinks that would be just peachy, but the part that, you know, does interviews thinks if that part takes over, she may have to add things to her own list, like "tongue-biting" or "eating your feelings." It's helpful to consider commonalities, but also "We ALL have limitations...I couldn't be a jockey." doesn't really help unless that really was your dream and you shot up six inches, don't have another goal yet and live with all the other would-be jockeys asking you to reach things and calling you stretch.

Things I need to let go of: that it takes TCG twice as long to feed ltc and it's twice as messy.

Oh, so true, sj. On all 3 counts.

Things I need to let go of: that it takes TCG twice as long to feed ltc and it's twice as messy.

Yeah, I'm sure it's true but you really need to let him have his own relationship and style with her. It won't be as efficient but they'll sort themselves out. You're playing the long game here. Short term losses for long term gains in intimacy and trust.

Hey, my istas. Just got back from vacation today and took a long dive into Natter and ita's thread, because my psyche still keeps trying to convince me she will be back.

Teppy, I'm sorry Tim got results that are worrisome to you. I hope he is okay and that the doctor is just being -- well, that way -- out of an abundance of caution.

sj, how is that gorgeous baby?

Hec, with my kids now 16, 17, and 20, I think you're largely right. What you just said to sj is something my mother said to me early on. If you want dh to help. you have to let him help in his way.

Hec, with my kids now 16, 17, and 20,

WHAT?

NOPE.