Maybe, I'll actually look at stuff.

It would be nice to have something to fidget with and add that to my arsenal.

I really need to talk to my therapist about a script for my mother, I don't think she really believes my diagnosis and keeps saying I never did any of this until it was suggested to me.

They will almost always tell you the unlikely but most serious possibility, rather than the more likely prosaic one.

And to give warning that he's no longer in the "Not a problem to be seen" category but in the "the odds are not as favorable as they are for people who don't have RA" category. So colds and coughs get to be taken a step more seriously than otherwise and more tests than average may be required.

Teppy, you probably know this, but remember that Doctors are told to mention worst possible outcome to preempt malpractice suits later on. They will almost always tell you the unlikely but most serious possibility, rather than the more likely prosaic one. Which sucks for patients and family, but it's the way it is.

That's true. And Tim had a chest x-ray within the last 4-5 months -- the results were totally unremarkable. Neither his PCP or rheumatologist thought there was anything concerning about it.

His PCP is the one who ordered the pulmonary function test in response to Tim saying he had occasional chest pain on the right side (which is the side of the collapsed lung). And I'm glad his PCP was so responsive.

Between his clean x-ray and his lack of any symptoms other than occasional pain on the side where his lung collapsed, I'm hoping SUPER hard that his reduced lung function is just an anomaly, and his lung function is just not in line with other 50-year-old men. Or I'm rooting for asthma. Asthma would be fine. It would be great, comparatively. (He doesn't actually have symptoms of asthma.)

I'm still stressed today, but trying not to flip out and catastrophize until he sees the pulmonary specialist. It's just -- some of the lung diseases that can develop in people with RA are fatal, relatively quickly (3-5 years). Do I think Tim has the horrible fatal lung disease? Probably not. Can I stop myself from worrying that he *might* have it? NOPE.

I hate this fucking year. I feel like we're under a curse.

To go all mememe on this ... it's been a fraught week. We run a program and I have to do the data entry for the accounting (entry fees for the program). The woman in our accounting department who's responsible for money coming in from invoices refuses to do it - says it's not her job. It's also not her job to show me how to do it, since (1) I last did it four years ago and (2) the computer system we use has been changed since I last did it. Bitched at me because the data entry hadn't been done, then I was out sick for a week, the woman she tapped to show me the procedures was out, then finally tapped someone else to show me how to do it. Turned out that there were things that had to be set up by the accounting department (since I have very limited permissions for the system) that they hadn't done, so things were delayed until they could get to them. I had to download information from an outside vendor's site and do the accounting entry. Did it ... and the woman in the accounting department had a hissy fit because there was a detail I wasn't aware of and wanted me to change some of the information and re-do all the invoices I'd prepared since starting.

Got everything done, finalized stuff, took care of entering payments from people who hadn't paid online. Then my boss comes to me and the report generated by our CFO didn't match up with what I had - came up almost $4K short of the income I was showing. So both my boss and I have been toiling over this information trying to reconcile it. I've been trying to reconcile two databases (neither of which I have full access to, plus my updated spreadsheets, plus the exported PDF invoices). At one point I was deathly afraid that I'd marked some people as having paid when they hadn't. Contacted the help desk at our outside vendor to get more information on payments (i.e., that they'd paid using which credit card - Visa, etc. - and the last four digits of the card number and the data). Had to figure out a way to look at information without changing it, since the internal database required me to log into it with a dated accounting thing. Did that, rechecked, pulled details about the payments. Then I created a Word file (which my boss could actually read), added in by hand the codes for both the vendor's invoice and the one we've used to identify specific companies PLUS the data on the check payments (date and check number and amount). Marked the check payments and handed it over to my boss.

Meanwhile, the accounting department is insisting that their numbers are the true numbers and I'm pulling the other ones out of my ass.

Boss is involved in something else, so I expect that the organic fertilizer will hit the fan late next week.

I am not an accountant; I once took an aptitude test that told me to be anything but an accountant or bookkeeper. I really shouldn't have to spend this much time of this nonsense, but I do have a feeling of accomplishment in having actual FACTS that show I am working with real information.

Oh, man, Toddson, I've been there. It made my whole brain cry.

It's especially annoying because the woman who's responsible for accounts receivable - who said this wasn't her job - works short hours and spends most of her day playing solitaire and shopping online (not that I have much room to hold that against her, but still ...).

Ugh, Toddson. I'm sorry. I would want to smite.

I ordered the cake today for ltc's birthday party. One thing accomplished. Go me!

Yay, cake!

Toddson, having performed similar magic tricks, to happier or sourer reception from bosses, depending not on the work done or the accuracy thereof as much as how much my work pointed up the inadequacy or dropped-the-ballness of said boss. tl;dr, I feel you, woman.

askye, let me suggest to you that a necklace doesn't have to be "jewelry", nor made of precious stones and/or metal. I know I'm a loopy treehugger, but many of the pendants I wear (and fidget with) are things I've made myself: a half oyster shell, patterns of purple and lavender on cream background, strung on heavyweight (also lavender) braided cord fishing line. Or the teardrop-shaped lump of cedar H carved and painted a daisy into, and on the other side set a pretty chunk of agate, with the rock's shape in a double line, cut and painted around the stone. It's strung on heavy satin rattail cording from the fabric shop. Beads found in my gramma's button box, and others bought at the bead store, new reproduction netsuke, and pieces of agate or semiprecious stones adapted with cages or loops, combined and worn on tight-twisted and waxed tan or black linen cord, or black leather cording--even on a rawhide bootlace (granted, I did soften the bootlace--a lot--with saddle soap and lots of bending and coiling and releasing and repeating).

Anything can be worn as a necklace, and my hagstone--a random pebble found with a hole in it--can be as soothing to rub between my fingers as a lampware bead can be, spun repeatedly on its cord. Think of it as "Make your own fidgit!"--therapy to wear, plus crafts project!

I am looking up therapists on Humana's website. Even if this thing with Tim ends up being nothing or minor or moderate-yet-easily-treatable, I cannot BEGIN to tell you the big black hole in the middle of my psyche that it's ripped open. (I actually realize how melodramatic that sounds, but it feels so awful.) So I probably need to get some skills to deal with that, or else I'm going to stop functioning.

I have no idea how to pick a therapist. I should see if the therapist I used to see is still around. And maybe send a message to Awesome Doctor to see if he has a recommendation? Meh.

I would like to find a therapist, too, but the effort of finding a decent one is onerous.