Yay, cake!

Toddson, having performed similar magic tricks, to happier or sourer reception from bosses, depending not on the work done or the accuracy thereof as much as how much my work pointed up the inadequacy or dropped-the-ballness of said boss. tl;dr, I feel you, woman.

askye, let me suggest to you that a necklace doesn't have to be "jewelry", nor made of precious stones and/or metal. I know I'm a loopy treehugger, but many of the pendants I wear (and fidget with) are things I've made myself: a half oyster shell, patterns of purple and lavender on cream background, strung on heavyweight (also lavender) braided cord fishing line. Or the teardrop-shaped lump of cedar H carved and painted a daisy into, and on the other side set a pretty chunk of agate, with the rock's shape in a double line, cut and painted around the stone. It's strung on heavy satin rattail cording from the fabric shop. Beads found in my gramma's button box, and others bought at the bead store, new reproduction netsuke, and pieces of agate or semiprecious stones adapted with cages or loops, combined and worn on tight-twisted and waxed tan or black linen cord, or black leather cording--even on a rawhide bootlace (granted, I did soften the bootlace--a lot--with saddle soap and lots of bending and coiling and releasing and repeating).

Anything can be worn as a necklace, and my hagstone--a random pebble found with a hole in it--can be as soothing to rub between my fingers as a lampware bead can be, spun repeatedly on its cord. Think of it as "Make your own fidgit!"--therapy to wear, plus crafts project!

I am looking up therapists on Humana's website. Even if this thing with Tim ends up being nothing or minor or moderate-yet-easily-treatable, I cannot BEGIN to tell you the big black hole in the middle of my psyche that it's ripped open. (I actually realize how melodramatic that sounds, but it feels so awful.) So I probably need to get some skills to deal with that, or else I'm going to stop functioning.

I have no idea how to pick a therapist. I should see if the therapist I used to see is still around. And maybe send a message to Awesome Doctor to see if he has a recommendation? Meh.

I would like to find a therapist, too, but the effort of finding a decent one is onerous.

It does not sound melodramatic at all.

Does sending a message to Awesome Doctor feel doable? Because if it does I'd start there.

I found my current therapist through PsychologyToday.com's website. Basically I picked him because he was on my insurance , specialized in trauma, I liked his website and our email exchanges were positive. One of the first things he did was ask if I'd feel more comfortable with a female therapist and checked to see if the co founder of the practice took my insurance and she didn't. He did that leg work for me. So that kind of sold me.

Oh Steph, things just shouldn't be this hard. As askye suggested, I'd start with Awesome Doctor, too, because he's awesome and you trust him, and he should have resources.

You're a strong person and you deal with a lot. But there is a bottom to your reserves and your cope, and it's that very strength that's pushing you to get help now. Good for you.

And of course, wishes that all things turn out the best possible ways.

Teppy, you've had a really difficult year and this is the health of your hubby you're worried about. Of course it's hitting you hard. And I hate how onerous it is to find a good therapist.

Also, Teppy. I have looked at the websites you found for me, and I'm going to order invites as soon as I actually get confirmation from the place that they have my deposit and we can have the room for the times requested. (insert rant about people getting back to me in a timely manner)

What is with people? So little regard for other people's time.

askye, just a quick note to make the point I was laboring toward upstream, that a fidget necklace doesn't have to be good "jewelry," and a casual figet-able pendant can be worn with jeans or shorts and a t-shirt, however informal you like.

I have looked at the websites you found for me, and I'm going to order invites

I'm glad one of those sites worked out!

casual figet-able pendant

I keep meaning to buy a spinner ring, in the hopes it'll stop me twirling my hair, at least in public.

Steph, much ~ma for Tim's lungs and calm ~ma for you.

(probably ASD, but it's hard to find anyone who evaluates adults and if you do find someone it's expensive as hell and not often covered by insurance

Hello. More and more I'm thinking I'm on the spectrum. It explains so much. But there's no point in getting a diagnosis now, if I could even get one.

I cannot BEGIN to tell you the big black hole in the middle of my psyche that it's ripped open. (I actually realize how melodramatic that sounds, but it feels so awful.)

I understand this, fwiw. I'm sorry the abyss is opening under you.

Toddson, ugh. That sort of thing makes me want to smack someone.

Oy, Steph, being concerned for your Tim is totes appropriate worry.

Toddson, that totally sucks! I hope someone recognizes the effort you've put in.

I have a minor bitch to get off my chest.

I saw my psychiatrist Tuesday, after being delayed 2 weeks because she got sick. ::irony font:: I was running low on a couple of medications that would have been in the safe margin at the earlier appointment time but are very low and close to running out. So she promised to fax the new prescriptions to my mail-order pharmacy.

I get home from work tonight and the office mailed the paper scripts to me!. Now I have to wait for Monday to call in and ask them to please fax them urgently, as I am almost out of the meds. I could mail them in myself, but I don't have a printer to print out the forms until I get to work Monday, and oh, that will delay them even longer!

I am going to complain, possibly loudly. My default these days is get pissed when something happens. I usually calm down and am more reasonable later but, I go straight to pissed without stopping at crying or anxiety. I'm not sure if that's healthy or not.