Oh, man, Toddson, I've been there. It made my whole brain cry.

It's especially annoying because the woman who's responsible for accounts receivable - who said this wasn't her job - works short hours and spends most of her day playing solitaire and shopping online (not that I have much room to hold that against her, but still ...).

Ugh, Toddson. I'm sorry. I would want to smite.

I ordered the cake today for ltc's birthday party. One thing accomplished. Go me!

Yay, cake!

Toddson, having performed similar magic tricks, to happier or sourer reception from bosses, depending not on the work done or the accuracy thereof as much as how much my work pointed up the inadequacy or dropped-the-ballness of said boss. tl;dr, I feel you, woman.

askye, let me suggest to you that a necklace doesn't have to be "jewelry", nor made of precious stones and/or metal. I know I'm a loopy treehugger, but many of the pendants I wear (and fidget with) are things I've made myself: a half oyster shell, patterns of purple and lavender on cream background, strung on heavyweight (also lavender) braided cord fishing line. Or the teardrop-shaped lump of cedar H carved and painted a daisy into, and on the other side set a pretty chunk of agate, with the rock's shape in a double line, cut and painted around the stone. It's strung on heavy satin rattail cording from the fabric shop. Beads found in my gramma's button box, and others bought at the bead store, new reproduction netsuke, and pieces of agate or semiprecious stones adapted with cages or loops, combined and worn on tight-twisted and waxed tan or black linen cord, or black leather cording--even on a rawhide bootlace (granted, I did soften the bootlace--a lot--with saddle soap and lots of bending and coiling and releasing and repeating).

Anything can be worn as a necklace, and my hagstone--a random pebble found with a hole in it--can be as soothing to rub between my fingers as a lampware bead can be, spun repeatedly on its cord. Think of it as "Make your own fidgit!"--therapy to wear, plus crafts project!

I am looking up therapists on Humana's website. Even if this thing with Tim ends up being nothing or minor or moderate-yet-easily-treatable, I cannot BEGIN to tell you the big black hole in the middle of my psyche that it's ripped open. (I actually realize how melodramatic that sounds, but it feels so awful.) So I probably need to get some skills to deal with that, or else I'm going to stop functioning.

I have no idea how to pick a therapist. I should see if the therapist I used to see is still around. And maybe send a message to Awesome Doctor to see if he has a recommendation? Meh.

I would like to find a therapist, too, but the effort of finding a decent one is onerous.

It does not sound melodramatic at all.

Does sending a message to Awesome Doctor feel doable? Because if it does I'd start there.

I found my current therapist through PsychologyToday.com's website. Basically I picked him because he was on my insurance , specialized in trauma, I liked his website and our email exchanges were positive. One of the first things he did was ask if I'd feel more comfortable with a female therapist and checked to see if the co founder of the practice took my insurance and she didn't. He did that leg work for me. So that kind of sold me.

Oh Steph, things just shouldn't be this hard. As askye suggested, I'd start with Awesome Doctor, too, because he's awesome and you trust him, and he should have resources.

You're a strong person and you deal with a lot. But there is a bottom to your reserves and your cope, and it's that very strength that's pushing you to get help now. Good for you.

And of course, wishes that all things turn out the best possible ways.

Teppy, you've had a really difficult year and this is the health of your hubby you're worried about. Of course it's hitting you hard. And I hate how onerous it is to find a good therapist.

Also, Teppy. I have looked at the websites you found for me, and I'm going to order invites as soon as I actually get confirmation from the place that they have my deposit and we can have the room for the times requested. (insert rant about people getting back to me in a timely manner)

What is with people? So little regard for other people's time.

askye, just a quick note to make the point I was laboring toward upstream, that a fidget necklace doesn't have to be good "jewelry," and a casual figet-able pendant can be worn with jeans or shorts and a t-shirt, however informal you like.