So, I'm not good at calmly reacting to things and assessing them. I know this. But. Tim had a pulmonary function test today because people with RA can develop lung problems, some of them severe. He's still at work, but his doctor just called and told me that the test indicate lung disease -- he didn't say what type (there can be several) or how severe, but that Tim needs to see a pulmonary specialist soon.

So I googled, which is a bad idea even if you have a decent background in medical knowledge. There's really no *good* rheumatoid lung disease. So I'm freaking out HARD.

I know I should be calm until the appointment with the pulmonary specialist, because maybe this is on the minor end of the scale. It's crazy to borrow trouble and panic before we even know what's going on.

But I'm panicking. I am freaking out. HARD. Tim is still at work, and needs to work late, and I called him to ask him to come home so I can tell him that he has lung disease that might not have a good prognosis.

God, you guys.

Steph --- that's just. I can't even imagine. I'd be stressing out too.

I don't know what to say other than I'm sending all kinds of thoughts and prayers Tim's way that the news is the best it can be.

askye is wise. Thinking of you and Tim, Teppy.

Of course you are stressing, this is a natural reaction of a loving spouse.

That said, it is always best to know as early as possible so that all that can be done will be done. It must be early or Tim would have already had symptoms of lung issues. Knowledge is power. Get the consult and do what needs to be done to nip this in the bud. Also, hugs of the virtual non scary 1500 miles away variety.

Solidarity, Teppy.

Best wishes for a good resolution, Steph.

Steph, gettimg freaked out is pretty much the rational reaction to news like that. I'm sorry that you have such scary news to deal with. Much love and ~ma for you both.

askye, have you ever been drawn to stimming behaviors? I know some teachers and parents try to discourage this kind of activity, more so in the past, but there are places that sell safely designed stimming toys. And I was wondering if stimming might help you channel some of your anxiety and stress feelings to head off a meltdown.

Teppy, freaking out is completely normal. Tons of ~ma for you and Tim. Did the doctor say whether or not the freaky lung collapse a while back was related?

I stim. I realized I've repressed a lot of it becasue I knew it was "weird" or did thigns when I was by myself. But I've been more open about stimming.

One reason I like my hair short is that it's easier to run my hand over my head (one of my stims) but this is something that Mom calls out because it looks bad . I also flick my fingers aginst my thumb or scrape my thumb over my ring finger, like I'm flipping a ring around in circles (those are pretty subtle).

And there's something else I do that's kind of a stim. Sort of. I put my hands on my hips and will slip my fingers inside the waistband of my pants or skirt. Which I know looks weird, but the feeling of the band against my fingers feels.. anchoring or something. And if I'm sitting down at home sometimes I'll do something similar to what Ed Bundy did in Married with Children (I don't put my hand down my pants just so I feel the waistband around my first set of knuckles) but that I have to hide. I've tired to explain it to Mom and I got - one time "You never used to do anything like that" (yes I did actualy you just never saw) and then a couple weeks ago "I'm sorry but that just looks WEIRD" So now I'm really careful about what I do when she's around because it adds more stress.

Watching the DNC on tv and listening to some of the speeches I did happy things-- shaking my arms and wiggling. I almost did that during the movie today but I caught myself. Only because of Mom if I had been alone I wouldn't have cared and just done it any way.

Soooo after that TMI

I haven't seen any stim toys that really just grab me. I have to find something that will work for me.

edited - I should get a cool ring to wear.

I tend to turn to my iPhone when I'm very anxious, which I know people consider it rude. But sometimes I just have to escape for a minute.