I'm going to just assume that as a brand new baby book that it isn't toxic. No, she didn't choke. I am feeling guilty that I wasn't giving her 100% of my attention and therefore a brand new gift was destroyed.

Zen, all of that sounds so familiar. I find I function well enough at the moment that ltc is always clean and fed and amused. Comforted if she needs to be etc., but showering daily, making the bed, cook etc.

therefore a brand new gift was destroyed

nooooooooo! It sounds like she thoroughly enjoyed her gift! And, also, she doesn't need 100% of your attention when she's safely positioned and occupied! You get to give your attention to things other than your baby and still be an awesome parent.

And, ugh, for everyone having a hard time. Depression is a motherfucker.

I am sorry that it is so hard, Zen. It's not fair that there's no way to really slough off your load once in a while and let someone else carry it for you. We are here for you, even if we can't necessarily carry it for you.

And sj, you are a wonderful parent. Chewing holes in books is one of those things kids do, especially when there's a book handy. Another way to look at it is you've just hit a new parenting milestone.

Thanks. Most of the time I feel I'm doing okay as a parent, but every once in a while I feel waves of guilt that this beautiful, sweet baby girl is stuck with me for a parent.

"Maybe life is this hard ALL THE TIME, but some people don't notice. Or maybe we're just made wrong, and there's nothing to be done about it."

Yeah. I think we're made wrong, unfortunately. I'm still hoping there's something to be done about it, but it's a fading hope.

I am feeling guilty that I wasn't giving her 100% of my attention and therefore a brand new gift was destroyed.

It's not destroyed! The book was never meant to remain pristine, right? If you had noticed, you'd have taken it away, and then ltc wouldn't have had the sublime experience of chewing a hole in a book. In ten years you won't care about a perfectly preserved book, but you'll look at this baby-chewed book and go, aww, I remember when you chewed this hole in this book! and she'll say MOOOOM UGH and you'll laugh.

this beautiful, sweet baby girl is stuck with me for a parent.

Speaking as the child of kinda crappy parents, ltc is SO LUCKY. Really.

(Love you, mom, but seriously.)

Thanks for the support, guys. It does help to know I'm not the only one having these problems. That's probably the worst of it, the feeling that everyone else is normal except me.

I'm making an appointment with a new doctor right now. We shall see what happens.

Good luck!

I hope the doctor can help, Zenkitty. Life shouldn't be that hard. If you don't mind a suggestion, maybe cut and paste your description of the problem as well as your description of what you're looking for in the way of a normal life into a file and print them out to take to the doctor? Because you've articulated the situation pretty well here, and it might be good for helping the doctor understand the situation. While doctors should be able to get things from listening to people, given the nature of their jobs, sometimes things stick better if they're in print.