So I need advice on a script for Mom.

E was over here for dinner and he has Martin Luther King Day off AND Tuesday off and my brother is doing some training so Mom is trying to work out a playdate with E's best friend who used to be a neighbor. The idea is to meet in the middle, at least the friend's mom suggested it. I don't remember how far away they live but over an hour.

Before the best friend's family moved there were some issues with another neighbor. And Mom thinks E's friend's Mom doesn't want to come over because of that.

When E asked if his friend could come over Mom said maybe and then said "but they don't like to come over here" and then went on about how it's because of the problem with the neighbor and she thinks they need to be over it. Which is not appropriate for her to say in front of E. He's 7. And stuff like that worries me.

He started to get worried. I said "it's grown up things and if you meet half way it's more time to play".

I need to figure out a way to tell Mom that saying that to E isn't appropriate without sounding attacking. I'm pretty sure E will bring this up with my brother , who will be upset and say something to Mom who will feel attacked and then I'll have to hear about it but....just why say that to a 7 year old?

askye, I can see from your posts that you're having a lot of problems with the way your mother is with E, but honestly I'm not sure what you can say. To me it sounds like your mother is essential co-parenting E with your brother, and it can be really tricky to tell a parent they're raising a kid wrong. Just my opinion, and others here may see it differently.

She's kind of co parenting but kinda not and I think that's where the problem lies.

From the little bit I've talked to my brother he wants her to be a grandparent but because of his schedule and his girlfriends he needs Mom to have a more active role . Also he wants his rules to be his rules. Which makes sense...because ultimately his E's father and he should have the final say (like with how much tv and stuff).

Maybe talk to your brother about your concerns and have him deal with it?

Maybe. I'm way closer to the circle of : something happens - my brother communicates to Mom - Mom gets upset -- Mom vents to me.

Maybe I'll try talking to him but I just caught myself thinking the way Mom does (something bothers her but she won't talk to him about it because it's a bad time/he's stressed out/etc and so she vents to me. Now is probably not the best time to text him about this -- he seems to prefer text communication) but when his traning is over I'll talk to him. In some manner.

Communication in our family is so broken down and not worth expounding on but we have issues.

I think what you can say to your mom and your brother , that you don't want to be in the middle of their disagreements.

maybe even - E is worried about what you said and I dont want oto be telling brother why ....

From the little bit I've talked to my brother he wants her to be a grandparent but because of his schedule and his girlfriends he needs Mom to have a more active role . Also he wants his rules to be his rules. Which makes sense...because ultimately his E's father and he should have the final say (like with how much tv and stuff).

Sort of? I mean, he wants her to be a grandparent but he's the one asking her to act like a parent. It seems like she is making some questionable calls, but also like he is maybe taking advantage of "schedule and girlfriends" to leave a lot of stuff on her plate and then second-guess her when it becomes convenient for him to reengage. I don't really get the 'too busy to get a text' thing from a father, unless she is in the habit of constantly pinging him.

Either way though, other than "are you sure you should have told a seven-year-old all that?" where you feel it's really important, I think "this is between you and him" needs to be your internal mantra. You being the middleman is isn't good for you and it doesn't seem to be helpful in getting the two of them on the same page. I hope you find a way that is easier on you than being referee/sounding board all the time.

Sort of? I mean, he wants her to be a grandparent but he's the one asking her to act like a parent. It seems like she is making some questionable calls, but also like he is maybe taking advantage of "schedule and girlfriends" to leave a lot of stuff on her plate and then second-guess her when it becomes convenient for him to reengage. I don't really get the 'too busy to get a text' thing from a father, unless she is in the habit of constantly pinging him.

Seconding all of this.

ltc isn't being as helpful today with naps. So, I'm just now getting around to eating breakfast.

I'm going to stay out of it. I mentioned that maybe that part of what she said wasn't appropriate and dealt with it the best I can.

I finally got ltc to fall asleep, but she is in her swing. How bad would it be to take a quick shower while she is in the swing?