Remember, you're free to substitute "Flying Spaghetti Monster" or "my cats" for god and higher power. (Some meetings are more overtly christian than others, which is one reason why -t's suggestion to go to different meetings is a good one.) The main purpose of those steps is to help you get over the idea that you are are too smart and too strong to have a problem. D may want to try some Al-Anon meetings, which can help him be an asshole.

We are always here and are not judgey.

I had to answer a question like that at the intensive outpatient therapy and I was like -- I don't lik eorganized relgion. Unorganized religion gives me anxiety. Answering this gives me anxiety. But the case worker was like "tell me a value that's important to you" and I came up with "people should be treated equally" --it wasn't a higher power thing but it satisfied what they were looking for.

When I was in the hospital I decided ~ma was the answer I was going to give. Don't remember if it came up.

We are always here and are not judgey.

But we can be complete assholes if you don't do what you need to do to get on the other side of this. I'm also grateful that you have D's love and support close at hand when the love I have to offer is so far away.

Strix, my dear friend, we're here and listening and sending you all the ~ma you could possibly absorb, with no higher power strings attached. But if it's cat assholes you need for some reason, the cats always seem perfectly willing to show 'em.

Strix, so much love and support to you! We're here for you, and we can be assholes!

My phone wanted to say asshooks. What the fuck.

Remember, you're free to substitute "Flying Spaghetti Monster" or "my cats" for god and higher power. (Some meetings are more overtly christian than others, which is one reason why -t's suggestion to go to different meetings is a good one.)

This is true -- I went to Al-Anon for a while, and the group I found wasn't too god-based and really emphasized that "higher power" could be nature or the universe in general or whatever.

I can only talk about Al-Anon, not AA or NA, since I've never been to either of them, but the one thing I really appreciated about Al-Anon was being in a group of people who just GOT IT without me needing to explain my parents' fucked-up behavior.

And my understanding is that aspect is clearly there in AA/NA as well -- these are people who will GET IT without you needing to explain. You won't get "But WHY would you do that?" or other inane questions, because the people at the meetings will totally understand the myriad reasons why you would do it, because they've done it, too.

For me, that POV was invaluable. Not needing to explain myself was a HUGE gift. I was able to work through a lot of shit because I didn't have to use up extra emotional energy explaining things.

Much ~ma to you, Strix (and to all Buffistas who need it). If you ever need a late-night phone buddy, feel free to take advantage of time zones and call me*. I'm 3 hours earlier than the west coast right now. That's a blanket, open offer.

* I have a show opening in a week, so this particular week, I may not be super-able-to-talk, which I know sucks, timing-wise, but I wanted to post while I was thinking about it.

Strix, echoing what the others have said so well already. We're here. And we're proud of you for reaching out.

I decided ~ma was the answer I was going to give.

Excellent answer!

Also, after the last several posts re autocorrect, thankful not to be typing on my phone.

See? Phone typing is so evil.

I had crab Rangoon and Kung Paint shrimp, and. OMG this process my point exactly.

SEE

Anyway, yes, I should not discount NA just because I hate groups and higher power talk. Admitting this makes me very bitter.

But I have hot and sour soup, my husband, my pets and y'all. All I need is a root.

...and now I'm all Person of Interest thinking.

My life goals for today are to watch SPN and shower. I am certain I will do one of these things.

Strix, what everyone else said but, especially, Laura:

But we can be complete assholes if you don't do what you need to do to get on the other side of this. I'm also grateful that you have D's love and support close at hand when the love I have to offer is so far away.

Also, I'm completely willing to call to set up appointments for you. I've done this before for friends who were overwhelmed with the idea of taking that step for themselves.