Strix, so much love and support to you! We're here for you, and we can be assholes!

My phone wanted to say asshooks. What the fuck.

Remember, you're free to substitute "Flying Spaghetti Monster" or "my cats" for god and higher power. (Some meetings are more overtly christian than others, which is one reason why -t's suggestion to go to different meetings is a good one.)

This is true -- I went to Al-Anon for a while, and the group I found wasn't too god-based and really emphasized that "higher power" could be nature or the universe in general or whatever.

I can only talk about Al-Anon, not AA or NA, since I've never been to either of them, but the one thing I really appreciated about Al-Anon was being in a group of people who just GOT IT without me needing to explain my parents' fucked-up behavior.

And my understanding is that aspect is clearly there in AA/NA as well -- these are people who will GET IT without you needing to explain. You won't get "But WHY would you do that?" or other inane questions, because the people at the meetings will totally understand the myriad reasons why you would do it, because they've done it, too.

For me, that POV was invaluable. Not needing to explain myself was a HUGE gift. I was able to work through a lot of shit because I didn't have to use up extra emotional energy explaining things.

Much ~ma to you, Strix (and to all Buffistas who need it). If you ever need a late-night phone buddy, feel free to take advantage of time zones and call me*. I'm 3 hours earlier than the west coast right now. That's a blanket, open offer.

* I have a show opening in a week, so this particular week, I may not be super-able-to-talk, which I know sucks, timing-wise, but I wanted to post while I was thinking about it.

Strix, echoing what the others have said so well already. We're here. And we're proud of you for reaching out.

I decided ~ma was the answer I was going to give.

Excellent answer!

Also, after the last several posts re autocorrect, thankful not to be typing on my phone.

See? Phone typing is so evil.

I had crab Rangoon and Kung Paint shrimp, and. OMG this process my point exactly.

SEE

Anyway, yes, I should not discount NA just because I hate groups and higher power talk. Admitting this makes me very bitter.

But I have hot and sour soup, my husband, my pets and y'all. All I need is a root.

...and now I'm all Person of Interest thinking.

My life goals for today are to watch SPN and shower. I am certain I will do one of these things.

Strix, what everyone else said but, especially, Laura:

But we can be complete assholes if you don't do what you need to do to get on the other side of this. I'm also grateful that you have D's love and support close at hand when the love I have to offer is so far away.

Also, I'm completely willing to call to set up appointments for you. I've done this before for friends who were overwhelmed with the idea of taking that step for themselves.

What everyone else said, and of I were more articulate, I'd be saying a version especially of what t- and Ginger said.

MD consultation, and the higher power thing I've come to understand is similar to what Ginger said, it's important to come to really get in your core that you can't do it alone, to be more humble about what degree of control YOU have, and this is a good thing, kind of a nature always bats last thing.

We all enjoy talking about grammar and other fun things and venting/ poking fun at people who get those things wrong, but really? Being kind is more important. Kind to yourself, kind to others.

I would bet some kind of root went onto the making of that hot and sour soup.

Beth, vonnie k (from LJ and now DW) lives and works in Pittsburgh, or did last I knew. Consuela may be able to do an introduction if you don't know her already.

Try to see Fallingwater by FLW while you're in the area. If you venture afield, my hometown of Ligonier is nothing to sneeze at, if you like historic forts, beautiful scenery, covered bridge, old stone barns, horses frolicking in bucolic fields. Google Rolling Rock Farms, no direct relationship to the brew, Linn Run State Park, Laughlintown, Compass Inn. There's a FLW house somewhere around there that you can rent for nightly stays now. Pittsburgh is gorgeous now, too.