To seperate out my posts. This weekend I've been full of anxiety. I don't want to go to work. I will tomorrow but I don't know what to or to go to therapy. But I will. Thursday they are coming to work on the fuel tank. I think I don't know someone is supposed to call me Monday.

I have an appointment Thursday and if I don't get an immediate answer whatever.

My place is still messy. Not hoarders bad but embarssing messy. I tlaked to Mom on the phone and her advice was just to do as much as I can and get some boxes from work so I can start sorting things and maybe even packing up things I know I want to move but don't need. Although if I don't need it maybe I can get rid of it. I also need to get my house cleaned up so I can list some things on craiglist and not be embarrassed if they sell and people come to claim them (stuff is too cumbersome for me to want to get it in my car and then to some location).

But I think I know where some of the anxiety is coming from. I have a pimple on my chin. Like a red raised place with the pimple. I've been putting hot compresses on it hoping it will go away. It's the only type of bad breakout I get and the first time was in middle school and it was really bad and I was teased so bad about it. Not just teased but it was turned into a weapon to use against me and was the reason I got a nickname that was...well anyway I think that it being there is stirring stuff up.

Guess it's good for therapy.

I've been morning on the bank all phone.

(A thing I totally just said. Need moar coffee)

I sent my therapist a really long emtional email entailing who knows what . At least I thought I did.

I hadn't heard back from her so I went loking for it and it's not there, not in drafts, not in sent , no where. I don't know what happed. So I sent her another saying I cant stop crying I can't ddrive. And I'll try to send another.

This day sucks.

I'm sorry this day is sucking so hard, askye.

I'm sorry, askye. I hope your therapist gets back to you soon.

Please excuse me, I keep doing this, and here I am again -- stopping in with a bunch of questions, then vanishing. But you guys have the answers nearly always!

I'm hosting a couple whose house burned to the ground in the Valley Fire in Lake County, Calif. - none of the 1,800 Cobb Mt. residents have been allowed to go see if their houses are there or not, but reports are that the entire neighborhood went up in flames. I've helped them get clothes, shoes, etc. via next door dot com, and neighbors have been really generous. They still need big items to help with the clean up, when they can get up there -- even if they don't stay, all homeowners are obligated to clean up the site.

My question is, since I've never done this, what's the best fundraising site? indie gogo? go fund me? other pay pal?

Maybe Crowdrise.com is one to look into. When I signed up to donate for a camp for kids with heart conditions it said it takes a smaller percentage for admin costs than other fundraising sites. I have not really looked closely at them to compare.

Turns out I accidentally deleted the email. I sent another, and then ended up talking to her. I'm going to see her Thursday (after I see the caseworker) and talk about somethings. I was doing well and then I just got flooded with all these negative emotions and I couldn't deal at all.

I tried to deal and it went badly. Right now hte idea of just spending winter here is daunting.

I'm going to hold it together until Thursday and start a plan of action for moving to NC. It's not that Vermont is toxic for me like Tally was but it's just very lonely and isolating.

askye, I hate that the Vermont dream has turned out otherwise (while still extremely happy that it got you the hell out of FL!), but if the NC contingent can do anything to make the next stop less lonely, give us a shout! We're friendly and prone to get-together-ing!

Java cat, I have no advice, but much sympathy for those who've lost their homes. So terrible. When you do get a site up, maybe post the link in Beep Me?

eta posted too soon

askye, what amych said - I'm sorry this hasn't worked out the way you wanted, but it sounds like the plan for your next step is a good one for you. Isolation is bad (I've learned, though I crave it). Much coping~ma to you! Such change is hard to deal with even without anxiety etc issues.