We all really are just going through these life stages together, aren't we, buffistas? I dunno how much I talked about this here, but I am in Indianapolis Right Now helping my folks move to Dallas so my sister can help them out as they age. And since they're all packed up, I'm staying at the SO's mom's place. And I was here a year ago planning a funeral, so it's kinda hard, but I'm really glad I'm here. Both my mom and his just seem to need to vent right now, and that's something I can do,

Plus I will go to the optometrist and get my hair cut and make a Japanese grocery store run and a Trader Joes run and an Ulta run. So I will be busy. But good.

Packers come tomorrow. Movers come Monday and I pick up my sister from the airport. They're closing on the house on Tuesday morning and will depart immediately afterwards. My sister is driving them in their car down to Dallas.

And I will be rushing home to make rehearsal, because my new band is making its debut gig a week from tomorrow!

I hope the team come together, erika. It sounds like it could be really useful.

~ma to all the Buffistas going through the unfun life transitions. I was a bit worried that my dad would get Altzheimer's since his mother did. I won't say lymphoma was a pleasant alternative, but he was so scared of dulpicating grandma's cognitive decline, I'm glad he didn't have to experience that. One of my best friends is watching her mother go through Altzheimer's. Her mother is in a nursing home, but there seems to be a lot that has to happen from the outside to make sure proper care is given. Said friend is around 60 herself, childless, and wondering who would do this for her if/when she needs it. I've decided to work with denial as my primary coping method.

This is super timely: one of my sisters-in-law just sent an email this morning to Tim, his brothers, my other SiL, and me -- they had been on a waiting list for the Council on Aging to come and evaluate Tim's dad for eligibility for the services they provide (which include: lifeline button he could push for emergencies, meals delivered daily or once a week delivery for the whole week, domestic housekeeper/companion services, and a medicine box that dispenses meds according to a timer--it beeps and if the medicine isn’t taken, it contacts a family member).

The Council on Aging contacted her and they can evaluate Tim's dad next week. This is very good. Their goal is to keep seniors in their homes as long as possible, and some of the services above (especially the companion service) will make it possible AND will make us worry a lot less.

That sounds really helpful, Steph.

I mean, I think a retirement community would be better for him, for a number of reasons. A big one has nothing to do with his dementia -- he's just so isolated out at his house, and he's very gregarious and extroverted. Living in a community would be so great for him, because he really needs the social aspect.

But if we can get the Council on Aging services in place, this gives us time to find a good retirement community. I know there are waiting lists for a lot of them.

That's so awesome Teppy I'm glad that he'll get an evaluation.

Personally I think that Grandma E would do better in a retirement community, she lives with my aunt and peole do come over and watch her BUT she's still really isolated and she's very social. And she likes to help people and do things. I think if she were in that situation she could be social when she wanted and then not be and also find ways to be helpful.

For example for the longest time she was THE designated driver for her friends who couldn't drive (for whatever reason). The Senior version of a designated driver. So she took people to appointments and/or lunch or things like that.

But Grandma has been adamant that she doesn't want to and my aunt wants her to stay with her but I think it's getting close to the time where Grandma just won't be safe because she can't remember things.

Packers come tomorrow.

I literally went "no, that's Sunday" in my head. Dork.

My dad is probably going to have to move soon, which is a good thing, but will be an incredible ordeal. The house he lives in is being sold, so he'll probably need to be out in a couple of months. He has so much crap I can't even, plus he's really let things get super run down and gross. Not like TV hoarders, but his vision isn't that great and keeps the lights dim, so he doesn't really notice spills or things that are dusty and dirty.

Other than that he's still really cruising along, but now in his late 70s and has had a couple of minor strokes. Heart attacks too, but those were a long time ago and he's actually in better shape. But as much as I hate to think about it, things could change at any time and I don't know that we're really prepared at all.

Yeah, my grandmother could have moved into a retirement community adjacent to the care facility where my grandfather was, but she would not leave her house, and any attempt to convince her to do so ended in tears.

she would not leave her house, and any attempt to convince her to do so ended in tears.

Tim's dad is adamant he doesn't want to leave his house, and I think part of it is that changing his routine and surroundings will be jarring and scary and disorienting for him. Part of it is a sense of loyalty to Tim's mom. Apparently they built that house, way back in the woods away from neighbors, because Tim's mom wanted it. It was her dream, not Tim's dad's dream. But he couldn't deny her anything. He loved living in a suburban subdivision with neighbors super close who he could grill out with, have a beer on the porch with, etc. So he feels like leaving that house is betraying Tim's mom's memory.

He has so much crap I can't even, plus he's really let things get super run down and gross. Not like TV hoarders, but his vision isn't that great and keeps the lights dim, so he doesn't really notice spills or things that are dusty and dirty.

Yeah, my grandmother could have moved into a retirement community adjacent to the care facility where my grandfather was, but she would not leave her house, and any attempt to convince her to do so ended in tears.

Both these apply to my parents