I am very guiltily grateful that I never had to deal with a parent who couldn't cope on their own.

Ugh Steph, that's so hard. I hate to say this, but it sounds like maybe he needs someone dropping in on a regular basis, or even a companion to be with him. I know that neither you nor Tim needs this right now. I'm sorry.

It's this! I have them set up to watch my porch cat and my dogs.

Interesting. Probably more than we need right now, but I'll mark your post, just in case.

In some ways, I would agree: having an attendant is a fucking job. Or, at least, you're not just relaxing while Mary Poppins keeps everything spit-spot or whatever. I hate being both a product *and* Human Resources. Ain't seemly.

Yep. It's being a pain to maintain them, and she'd really rather just have the house to herself again.

Epic, can you get across to your mother the importance of keeping the alert button on her at all times and using it if she falls? Because if she would adhere to that, you could leave her alone more comfortably.

Seems like this is where we're at. Her last fall, she ended up sitting on her bedroom floor for nearly 8 hours - and it would have been longer, except my brother dropped by while I was still out. So she's been doing much better, keeping the button and/or a phone on her when she's moving around the house when she's alone. And the nurse told her you can call 911 for help when you've fallen and just have them help you get up, not necessarily take you to the hospital; so she's more open to that now too.

Oh, Steph, that's so hard. That was why the stroke was so scary to me - it was the first time she didn't seem like herself. So much figuring it out and coping-ma for you and Tim.

Speedy recovery and fun vacay-ma, Scrappy.

Sending you strength and support, Epic.

I will take it, with many thanks.

Tons of love ~ma and support for all those coping with aging parents. Mom is 94 and so many of her physical and mental issues, sounds odd to say, seem natural at her age. The transition has been so gradual we had the opportunity to adjust and make changes slowly. I do know how blessed we are. Mom even did most of the prep herself. The last decade or so she has gently taught my step-dad to cook, do laundry, and other stuff. She still takes care of the bills, but I can see she is involving him more there too. She probably hasn't driven in 20 years, but still renews her license! Of course it isn't easy to watch her short term memory fall away and her increasing physical challenges, but it is a whole lot easier than a sudden deterioration.

I am extremely glad that my oldest brother still lives with Dad. I say still, because he has never, ever, not lived with my parents. He's still got all his smarts at 91, but he gets physically frailer and frailer. He has balance problems and muscle weakness in one leg, but he refuses to use a cane or walker. So having my brother still at home is something I am now grateful for, instead of resentful.

not be looking my best when I meet my future husband, Idris Elba

I will leave you all the Idris Elba (despite the fact he is a fine, fine man), if you will send me Chris Pine. TYVM.

And the nurse told her you can call 911 for help when you've fallen and just have them help you get up, not necessarily take you to the hospital; so she's more open to that now too.

This is absolutely true. EMS or the fire department will be dispatched for a lift assist. To make it easy on them, I would also hide a key to the house somewhere outside. You can then let dispatch know, and they will tell the first responders to call in for access information so it isn't broadcast over the air. She will not be billed for a lift assist. Charges start for a transport, and depending on agency, the use of one-time use medical supplies (gauze, band-aids, etc.). Much strength~ma to you, Epic.

{{{Teppy}}} I can't imagine how hard it is to watch that happen.

I hope you and J feel better soon, Scrappy.

My sister-in-law recently moved across the country to be closer to family after a bad fall, made worse because she couldn't get to a telephone for hours (or maybe days -- I've heard conflicting versions). Afterward, she was told that it was either that or go into a nursing home. She's only in her mid-60s, but she has a number of health problems that complicate matters.

She and her youngest brother are now sharing an apartment, or will be when she gets out of the hospital. (The day after moving back here, she fell again. At least this time, brother-in-law was there to call 911 right away.) They're about a 20 minute drive from us, so Hubs can be available as well on pretty short notice. As can I, on weekends.

EMS or the fire department will be dispatched for a lift assist. To make it easy on them, I would also hide a key to the house somewhere outside. You can then let dispatch know, and they will tell the first responders to call in for access information so it isn't broadcast over the air. She will not be billed for a lift assist.

That is very useful information, thank you!

{{{Teppy}}} I can't imagine how hard it is to watch that happen.

It's been happening gradually; he frequently doesn't understand why [anything] outside of his routine is occurring. And that includes a can of tuna, or apples.

The good thing is that with persistent reminders, he can still create a new routine -- he's robustly physically healthy, but as a 78-year-old man, he has started to need to take meds to avoid a urinary tract (and/or prostate, maybe?) problem from recurring. At first he didn't remember to take his meds, because he had never needed to take meds. And he didn't remember what they were for. And when the boys reminded him of a really bad urinary tract issue that was the triggering incident for the medication being prescribed, his initial response was that he was fine now, so he didn't need drugs.

But the boys persisted in calling to remind him to take the meds, and told him if he wanted to avoid ever having a catheter again, he needed to take the meds every day. Coupled with a day-of-the-week pill caddy, he's improved his record of pill-taking to every day, though he does miss a day occasionally.

So if he really wants to add tuna to his diet, we just need to remind him (1) that he wanted to start eating fish because his doctor recommended it, and (2) there's tuna on the counter and he should have it for lunch.

But really, he's going to need to move soon. I think we'll make it through the holidays, which will be important emotionally to him, but he can't continue to live alone.

Can I have some kidney~ma for ltc? One of her kidneys isn't draining properly and we have to go for a test on Monday to figure out if there is a physical cause. Her pediatrician said it is probably nothing to worry about, but I'm still worried.