That weird point in all our lives when parents start acting more like children.

Sending you strength and support, Epic.

That weird point in all our lives when parents start acting more like children.

Tim's dad's dementia is really progressing, and it worries me that he lives alone. We took him to the grocery store last night, and it was the first time he really just started wandering aimlessly, whenever something caught his eye. Like, an entire frozen salmon -- he said his doctor recommended eating more fish, but Tim's dad can only cook in the microwave these days, which is not going to work for an entire salmon. We convinced him to get canned tuna. But then when we got home and were putting the groceries away, I asked him where to put the tuna, and he asked, "Why do I have tuna? What's that for?"

I guarantee the tuna will still be sitting on the counter uneaten next week.

I am very guiltily grateful that I never had to deal with a parent who couldn't cope on their own.

Ugh Steph, that's so hard. I hate to say this, but it sounds like maybe he needs someone dropping in on a regular basis, or even a companion to be with him. I know that neither you nor Tim needs this right now. I'm sorry.

It's this! I have them set up to watch my porch cat and my dogs.

Interesting. Probably more than we need right now, but I'll mark your post, just in case.

In some ways, I would agree: having an attendant is a fucking job. Or, at least, you're not just relaxing while Mary Poppins keeps everything spit-spot or whatever. I hate being both a product *and* Human Resources. Ain't seemly.

Yep. It's being a pain to maintain them, and she'd really rather just have the house to herself again.

Epic, can you get across to your mother the importance of keeping the alert button on her at all times and using it if she falls? Because if she would adhere to that, you could leave her alone more comfortably.

Seems like this is where we're at. Her last fall, she ended up sitting on her bedroom floor for nearly 8 hours - and it would have been longer, except my brother dropped by while I was still out. So she's been doing much better, keeping the button and/or a phone on her when she's moving around the house when she's alone. And the nurse told her you can call 911 for help when you've fallen and just have them help you get up, not necessarily take you to the hospital; so she's more open to that now too.

Oh, Steph, that's so hard. That was why the stroke was so scary to me - it was the first time she didn't seem like herself. So much figuring it out and coping-ma for you and Tim.

Speedy recovery and fun vacay-ma, Scrappy.

Sending you strength and support, Epic.

I will take it, with many thanks.

Tons of love ~ma and support for all those coping with aging parents. Mom is 94 and so many of her physical and mental issues, sounds odd to say, seem natural at her age. The transition has been so gradual we had the opportunity to adjust and make changes slowly. I do know how blessed we are. Mom even did most of the prep herself. The last decade or so she has gently taught my step-dad to cook, do laundry, and other stuff. She still takes care of the bills, but I can see she is involving him more there too. She probably hasn't driven in 20 years, but still renews her license! Of course it isn't easy to watch her short term memory fall away and her increasing physical challenges, but it is a whole lot easier than a sudden deterioration.

I am extremely glad that my oldest brother still lives with Dad. I say still, because he has never, ever, not lived with my parents. He's still got all his smarts at 91, but he gets physically frailer and frailer. He has balance problems and muscle weakness in one leg, but he refuses to use a cane or walker. So having my brother still at home is something I am now grateful for, instead of resentful.

not be looking my best when I meet my future husband, Idris Elba

I will leave you all the Idris Elba (despite the fact he is a fine, fine man), if you will send me Chris Pine. TYVM.

And the nurse told her you can call 911 for help when you've fallen and just have them help you get up, not necessarily take you to the hospital; so she's more open to that now too.

This is absolutely true. EMS or the fire department will be dispatched for a lift assist. To make it easy on them, I would also hide a key to the house somewhere outside. You can then let dispatch know, and they will tell the first responders to call in for access information so it isn't broadcast over the air. She will not be billed for a lift assist. Charges start for a transport, and depending on agency, the use of one-time use medical supplies (gauze, band-aids, etc.). Much strength~ma to you, Epic.

{{{Teppy}}} I can't imagine how hard it is to watch that happen.

I hope you and J feel better soon, Scrappy.

My sister-in-law recently moved across the country to be closer to family after a bad fall, made worse because she couldn't get to a telephone for hours (or maybe days -- I've heard conflicting versions). Afterward, she was told that it was either that or go into a nursing home. She's only in her mid-60s, but she has a number of health problems that complicate matters.

She and her youngest brother are now sharing an apartment, or will be when she gets out of the hospital. (The day after moving back here, she fell again. At least this time, brother-in-law was there to call 911 right away.) They're about a 20 minute drive from us, so Hubs can be available as well on pretty short notice. As can I, on weekends.

EMS or the fire department will be dispatched for a lift assist. To make it easy on them, I would also hide a key to the house somewhere outside. You can then let dispatch know, and they will tell the first responders to call in for access information so it isn't broadcast over the air. She will not be billed for a lift assist.

That is very useful information, thank you!