In some ways, I would agree: having an attendant is a fucking job. Or, at least, you're not just relaxing while Mary Poppins keeps everything spit-spot or whatever. I hate being both a product *and* Human Resources. Ain't seemly.

The dropcam is a great idea.

A couple of months ago, we made plans for a long weekend trip--the first non-family or work-related vacation in several years. We are going up to visit our friend Andy in Vancouver, where he's working on the new Star Trek movie. Last week, J brought home a terrible deathly cold/flu thing and gave it to me. He's a bit better, but still pretty sick, and I am feeling awful. We leave tomorrow.

So, it's an achy, phlegm-filled trip to Canada for us. Not as romantic as I had hoped. I pointed out the worst thing was that would not be looking my best when I meet my future husband, Idris Elba, on the set. J was, surprisingly unsympathetic to this problem.

I am overwhelmingly sympathetic, also sending ~ma that the vacation will end up being a healthy one.

Epic, can you get across to your mother the importance of keeping the alert button on her at all times and using it if she falls? Because if she would adhere to that, you could leave her alone more comfortably. Sounds like what she wants is independence, but she doesn't have a clear sense of what behaviors on her part will best ensure she gets to stay home and live independently.

That weird point in all our lives when parents start acting more like children.

Sending you strength and support, Epic.

That weird point in all our lives when parents start acting more like children.

Tim's dad's dementia is really progressing, and it worries me that he lives alone. We took him to the grocery store last night, and it was the first time he really just started wandering aimlessly, whenever something caught his eye. Like, an entire frozen salmon -- he said his doctor recommended eating more fish, but Tim's dad can only cook in the microwave these days, which is not going to work for an entire salmon. We convinced him to get canned tuna. But then when we got home and were putting the groceries away, I asked him where to put the tuna, and he asked, "Why do I have tuna? What's that for?"

I guarantee the tuna will still be sitting on the counter uneaten next week.

I am very guiltily grateful that I never had to deal with a parent who couldn't cope on their own.

Ugh Steph, that's so hard. I hate to say this, but it sounds like maybe he needs someone dropping in on a regular basis, or even a companion to be with him. I know that neither you nor Tim needs this right now. I'm sorry.

It's this! I have them set up to watch my porch cat and my dogs.

Interesting. Probably more than we need right now, but I'll mark your post, just in case.

In some ways, I would agree: having an attendant is a fucking job. Or, at least, you're not just relaxing while Mary Poppins keeps everything spit-spot or whatever. I hate being both a product *and* Human Resources. Ain't seemly.

Yep. It's being a pain to maintain them, and she'd really rather just have the house to herself again.

Epic, can you get across to your mother the importance of keeping the alert button on her at all times and using it if she falls? Because if she would adhere to that, you could leave her alone more comfortably.

Seems like this is where we're at. Her last fall, she ended up sitting on her bedroom floor for nearly 8 hours - and it would have been longer, except my brother dropped by while I was still out. So she's been doing much better, keeping the button and/or a phone on her when she's moving around the house when she's alone. And the nurse told her you can call 911 for help when you've fallen and just have them help you get up, not necessarily take you to the hospital; so she's more open to that now too.

Oh, Steph, that's so hard. That was why the stroke was so scary to me - it was the first time she didn't seem like herself. So much figuring it out and coping-ma for you and Tim.

Speedy recovery and fun vacay-ma, Scrappy.

Sending you strength and support, Epic.

I will take it, with many thanks.