My parents said they'd help pay, but they want a few more estimates, which is reasonable. Except that I've already called every mover around here who does interstate moves, and this was the only one that got back to me and had time available in July. So then my mother started looking up movers online and calling them to get estimates, and found someone in Florida that contracts out to local people. So I talked to that guy, and he gave me an estimate that was a lot cheaper, but I looked them up online, and there are hundreds of reviews of them, all terrible. So, no. I think that the estimate that I got is really over-estimating the total weight (I looked up some stuff about approximate weight for different size apartments, and even considering that I have a whole lot of books, his estimate was pretty high), so I emailed to ask if I'd pay based on the actual weight or the estimated weight.

One more paycheck is good.

I don't have an ear infection. My ear drum is red but not infected red. The nurse practitioner thinks I have fluid build up in the middle ear causing pressure and pain. So I have a steroid nasal spray to take 2x a day and sudafed (the good kind from behind the counter) and I was told to take ibuprofen for the pain. If it doesn't get better or it gets worse I'm supposed to call them back.

This feels like a weird repeat of Feb with the ongoing sickness but I'm trying to remind myself that it's not the same and also unlike then I'm aware that not having a clear cut diagnosis and whatever is a triggery thing for me and that I need to watch my thought patterns and check in with my therapist and stuff.

askye, if it reassures you at all, I had fluid in my middle ear like that, and sudafed and a nasal spray helped it a lot.

I got to the doctor, got antibiotics, drove to Baton Rouge, conducted my interviews, went to Trader Joe's, drove home, did another interview in New Orleans, came home and am now eating TJ's Baconesque Popcorn and chocolate for dinner, watching Friends.

I am so tired.

That helps Steph. I know I only went to the doctor today but damn my ear hurts and I'm tired of feeling like I'm making a step in my health and then something happening.

I wish I could say that this is physical and it's not tied to the mental stuff but it's tied really tight.

Oh and in therapy she wants to work on some of the DBT stuff, even though it's not her specaility. Either something that ties into mmy weekly group or something else I want to. And I have therapy homework to do tomorrow. I should have started it sooner but oh well after work tomorrow.

The first year of mourning is nearly over. I'm trying to avoid memorializing specific days, because I don't want to deal with other people's formalized sympathy, and I can't think of a way to put that without making it sound completely self-centered. Other people feel a loss, other people have legitimate sympathy, and goddess knows how much I've leaned on that sympathy and support. But I don't want people going "Oh, time for a formal observance, let's line up and sign the virtual condolence book." On the other hand, others do find comfort in people gathering around and observing the social rites. I feel bad for not cooperating--though I have the best/worst excuse in the world for not going along. I don't want to shortchange someone else's grieving process by being stand-offish.

That Circles of Grief concept I saw a bit ago is probably a good model to think of on this.

Connie, it is ok to go for what you need, especially while acknowledging that others may have different needs. The whole thing - losing people, losing loved ones, grieving after it - it just sucks.

It's not that you aren't cooperating, you are doing what is best for you. I don't know the right words to say but "I'm not ready for thi yet" should be enough.

So I had a day free of anxiety issues. I didn't have to use coping strategies once! the bad news was it was hot and humid and I spent half my shift drinking water when I wasn't walking up the stair/ladder thing putting away computers.

I did get dizzy from my ear and I was late because I overslept. But I wanted to leave early and I didn't . I also didn't stay late to make up for coming in late but I was wiped out.

Then I realized I have no meds for tomorrow and went to the pharmacy. my psych np forgot to send in the meds request for lithium and lamictal. So I need to call her office tomorrow. In the meantime the pharmacy tech got approval for an emergency 5 day supply .

Oh and I've hit some kind of cap through my insurance, I'm not sure what, because my prescription co pays are zero. I still have ot pay for doctor office copays so I'm not sure what's going on but I'll accept it.

Yay, askye! That all sounds wonderful. Well, all except for the NP not sending in your prescription.