askye, keeping you in my thoughts. I'm sorry this is all so difficult.

DCJ, thanks. The doctors and specialists don't really mention that. I get cranky because being this regimented really goes against my nature. So, if I'm going to do it, I want my body to cooperate.

some of them are crazier than you. I can count on one hand the social workers I wouldn't say that of(it's a well-shaped hand, but still) Also, it really isn't good for the profession that they have learned to accept hugs and "I don't know how she does it," instead of money because then they want me to do it too, and then I have to bartleby them and it's a Thing.

I once left a therapist because I said something like, "I know I'm weird, but I'm OK with it," and she was horrified and kept trying to get me to say that I was normal, and I refused. Then I said something that included "Let your freak flag fly," and she REALLY didn't like the word "freak," either.

I don't really trust anyone who thinks they're normal.

I don't really trust anyone who thinks they're normal.

I just can't relate to them.

I know that several social workers have considered my level of online activity as a sign that I'm, you know,"demented and sad, but social"(although I might like them better if they could use the quote..."Breakfast Club" rules. But I know they think I'm settling because I'm sad and crippled and it's hard to go out. Which I might feel more if there own suggestions for things I could do instead make a singles cruise sound like a party at Bourdain's house.Trust me, as a former group home resident if it was a street festival that cost under ten bucks, I've been to it(Although if I ever started having fun, guaranteed one of my housemates freaked out/spent all their money/puked in the gutter/ so we had to race "home" once again. Yes, ain't socialization grand?)

The stupid thing is there are some things I'd be willing to try if I could afford it or it worked with my hours.

I really wish someone did kickboxing here becuase the brief time I did it was really fun. I think I need to just accept it's not happening and figure out another martial art that will work.

When asked why I liked kickboxing I get weird looks when I say I liked kicking and punching things. But it's learning a skill and there's a level of discipline but there's not belts and stuff. Someone suggested cardio kickboxing but that's not what I'm looking for.

There is the knitting group I keep attemping to try that. And the social worker suggested some place that's for people who are trying to build social lives for various reasons (mental illness, new to the area, etc)

THing is I don't really want to be around large grouops or have a big social circle...just one or two people to do something with. I'd be fine with that. I don't think there's anything wrong wth that but some people do.

Also everyone seems surprised I don't find the actual talking to people as sales stress ful. It can be, but it's managable and I'm good at small talk.

Mental health people should know personalities and brains are different.

Mental health people should know personalities and brains are different.

Good gravy, this. So many of them have an idea of "normal" and try to reshape us all to fit into the comfortable little box. They want us to WANT to, even.

I'm beginning to think I should just talk to you all instead of trying to find someone who makes money at it.

There are good therapists. I like my regular one and I've liked most of the people I've talked to here. It's just a matter of finding someone and figuring out a therapy type that would work for you.

I've liked all the therapists I've seen in Vermont, even the one who wasn't a good fit. She was nice just her style wasn't what I was looking for.