I know that several social workers have considered my level of online activity as a sign that I'm, you know,"demented and sad, but social"(although I might like them better if they could use the quote..."Breakfast Club" rules. But I know they think I'm settling because I'm sad and crippled and it's hard to go out. Which I might feel more if there own suggestions for things I could do instead make a singles cruise sound like a party at Bourdain's house.Trust me, as a former group home resident if it was a street festival that cost under ten bucks, I've been to it(Although if I ever started having fun, guaranteed one of my housemates freaked out/spent all their money/puked in the gutter/ so we had to race "home" once again. Yes, ain't socialization grand?)

The stupid thing is there are some things I'd be willing to try if I could afford it or it worked with my hours.

I really wish someone did kickboxing here becuase the brief time I did it was really fun. I think I need to just accept it's not happening and figure out another martial art that will work.

When asked why I liked kickboxing I get weird looks when I say I liked kicking and punching things. But it's learning a skill and there's a level of discipline but there's not belts and stuff. Someone suggested cardio kickboxing but that's not what I'm looking for.

There is the knitting group I keep attemping to try that. And the social worker suggested some place that's for people who are trying to build social lives for various reasons (mental illness, new to the area, etc)

THing is I don't really want to be around large grouops or have a big social circle...just one or two people to do something with. I'd be fine with that. I don't think there's anything wrong wth that but some people do.

Also everyone seems surprised I don't find the actual talking to people as sales stress ful. It can be, but it's managable and I'm good at small talk.

Mental health people should know personalities and brains are different.

Mental health people should know personalities and brains are different.

Good gravy, this. So many of them have an idea of "normal" and try to reshape us all to fit into the comfortable little box. They want us to WANT to, even.

I'm beginning to think I should just talk to you all instead of trying to find someone who makes money at it.

There are good therapists. I like my regular one and I've liked most of the people I've talked to here. It's just a matter of finding someone and figuring out a therapy type that would work for you.

I've liked all the therapists I've seen in Vermont, even the one who wasn't a good fit. She was nice just her style wasn't what I was looking for.

There are good therapists. My last one was good; I stopped seeing her because she stopped taking my insurance. But the ones that aren't good tend to be so astonishing, they make much better stories than the good ones!

Like the therapist I'd been seeing for three years when she called me at work the day after she got married, very distraught, and asked me to come to her house and do a Tarot reading for her (I was still her client at the time). Of course I did it, happy to help! (and boy was she in a messed-up sitch, run run away) and it was only the next day that I realized how VERY inappropriate that was.

Mental health people should know personalities and brains are different.

So very true.

My day is ending better than it started, so that's good. I got kinda pissy at one of the groups and I should have said "I feel uncomfortable about this topic" but I was feeling tired anyway (it wasn't the group topic it was just general chatter) so I bowed out.

I'm so spacy today I can't remember what I've told who or who I've spoken to. In case I didn't say it now it looks like I'll be discharged Monday. I'm only approved for a stay through Sunday by insurance. So they are working on a post care plan.

Which makes me feel better and I'm doing my part to come up with ideas of what I can do. Rather than having to come up with them when emotions are running high.

And one of the patients I really like is getting discharged tomorrow. Good for him! But he's a cool guy to talk to.

I sent out another job application today. And someone informed me that I should find what I love to do, and do that. I have something I love to do! I just can't find anyone who'll hire me to do it.

I feel like throwing things. I don't have anything I can safely throw.

Just follow your bliss, Hil, and the universe will magically make things happen for you! Or maybe you have to read The Secret, I forget how it works.