So day 20 vegan

If you're looking for vegan weight-loss stuff, there's a cookbook called Appetite for Reduction that's really good. I've liked just about everything I've tried from it. (My only caveat is that it usually calls for a lot more salt than what tastes right to me, so go easy on that.)

Thanks, Hil. I'll look for it. I am mostly just doing easy and quick whole food type stuff now, but will get bored soon. Salt is an issue. Fortunately I like spicy so I have been using more black and red pepper to not miss the salt as much. I like cooking so that will help.

Laura, it sounds like your lifestyle changes are the right track to improve your health -- right on! (I am currently eating peanut butter from the jar, so I admire your healthy changes.)

It's good that Tim understands. My mom suffered from depression while we were growing up and my dad was an ass about it.

Yeah, if given the choice between (1) he understands but isn't good at picking up the slack, or (2) picks up the slack but doesn't understand and is an ass, then I got the best of the two. Definitely.

Mmmm, peanut butter. And it's usually vegan! My mom says I lived on spoonfuls of the stuff when I was a kid, and could probably now too.

I totally get why there is an increase in suicidality when antidepressants start to work [NOTE: I am NOT suicidal; I'm just using this as a comparison] -- what I've read is that people who are having suicidal ideation start to feel *just* well enough that they have the motivation to enact their plan.

That's exactly what happened with one of the baseball parents I knew. He changed his meds and they weren't closely monitoring him during that stretch and he committed suicide, leaving his son behind.

It makes sense, biochemically, but Jesus, is it ever fucking unfair. You feel *just* well enough to realize how shitty you feel, and lo and behold, you can muster up the energy to do something about it.

It was fucking tragic. Because if they'd monitored it all more closely the new meds were really having a positive effect.

Well, for me, I'm starting to feel *just* well enough to look around the house and think "Jesus Christ, THIS is what the house of 2 people with depression looks like. WTF am I going to do about all this???"

OMG that's my house! People are all nice about it and make excuses (sister died, so much on my plate, yada yada), but there's not really much room for excuse anymore. My house is such a pit it makes the baby Jesus cry. And since my son wants a sleepover for his birthday party (nevermind that it's a month late), we are starting with the backyard and back porch. Ugh.

I could blame my house's state on depression, but it's because I'm a slob and don't give as much of a damn as perhaps I should. So much work to just have to do it all again.

My apartment is currently only dysphoria dirty, not depression dirty.