I'm not in the south, but baby is due in August. We might end up going with the cheaper of the two AC options with a home improvement loan that would also cover putting in some more insulation which the home inspector suggested we do when we bought the house.

I've got one more job interview scheduled. Also made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow, because I'm still coughing. The coughing is getting somewhat better, but it's still pretty bad.

Jeez, Hil. That's just miserable.

Hi Shir!

That's all I got.

If I just stay lying down and don't move much, then I don't cough much, but as soon as I try to talk, or take a deep breath, or really exert any energy, I start coughing again. Also, just for fun, my sinuses and ears are totally clogged.

OK, just realized that I don't have an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow, because I was looking at the date wrong when I scheduled it. So I've got an appointment on Thursday.

Woke up an hour ago with hip pain. Not on, body. Time for some pigeon pose.

I am having a LOT of anxiety today. Actually, my anxiety has been cranked up in general for the past several months; I just haven't talked about it,* because I hoped that ignoring it would make it go away, because it's not anxiety about any actual problem (like, maybe we shouldn't have built a pit of vipers in the back yard -- THAT would warrant some anxiety [we did not build a pit of vipers]).

It's just all the what-ifs that won't go away: what if I'm bad at my job (despite feedback that I'm fairly decent and getting better), what if freelancing doesn't pay enough (despite the fact it's been fine for the past year and a half AND I'm getting more work), what if my recent-ish forgetfulness is really early-onset Alzheimer's (despite the fact that chronic anxiety/stress absolutely causes memory issues)? (Seriously, you guys, I keep forgetting stuff ALL THE TIME. This has never happened before.)

I worry about Tim every time he walks out the door without me. Not, like, "It's raining; I hope the roads are safe where he's driving; oh, hey, a rerun of Arrow is on, woo hoo!" But, like, "Please be okay please be okay please don't die please don't die please be okay please be okay," ad infinitum. I worry about him when he goes to work, because there is dangerous shit in that warehouse and sometimes he works late and is the only one there and something could fall on him or blow up or the vipers could get out of the viper pit. I'm kind of like the dog, who gets stressed out if he can't keep us both in his line of sight; if Tim isn't right next to me, I freak out.

*(When I say I haven't talked about it, I mean here, I mean to ANYONE, including Tim. Because I want to ignore it so it'll go away [which is working out SO WELL, don't you think?], and because it's a lot to lay on him: "So, I'm incredibly anxious and stressed out ALL THE TIME but there's nothing you can do about it, so...have fun living with that knowledge now! Aren't you thrilled you married me???")

The more I type, the more I'm aware that if anyone else said all this, I would gently suggest they see a therapist. But man, I have no idea how to go about looking for one. I had one quite a while ago, and I guess I could start by seeing if she's still practicing and on our insurance plan.

Yeah, that sounds a lot like "time for a therapist and maybe meds?" Teppy. Especially if you feel like you can't tell Tim. Because that' ain't right.

Steph, I'm sorry you've had to deal with anxiety. You've had a lot of stress in the past year or two. I think the top 10 anxiety-inducing stressors include family illness/death, moving, job loss/change, marriage, and personal health problems. At least you haven't moved. The fact that it's understandable doesn't make it any less difficult. I hope you'll be able to find a doctor or other health professional who can be helpful without the process adding to your stress load.

Yeah, it's time for something to mitigate the dread.