you are not responsible for how she reacts, but you are responsible for how you react to her.

This, this, this - for so many different situations. I work to impress this concept on my kids. And to constantly remind myself of the same.

This morning I had to change my main work password. Then promptly forgot it by the next time I had to use it. Ended up calling IT to have it reset again. Hopefully I'll do better this time.

Aw, Andi. I feel so hugged. Thank you so much.

And can I just say...GO Harvey! It's great to hear he is feeling well.

Connie, MFN and WS, have said what I would have. I so, completely support you in picking and choosing where you interact. Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best way to be supportive.

Oh, Connie. Yeah, just step away from that thread. She's got enough, she doesn't need your celebration too. It's been a long time for me, but still sometimes when I hear of someone surviving (or living well with) the disease that killed Melisa, I just want to throw things against a wall.

I am sorry, connie.

You know you are tired when you have a dream about being cranky due to lack of sleep.

Evidently it's the day for widows to want to smash things.

I googled to see if I could find the results of the clinical trial that Rob was a part of, and found a message thread where people are upset that the trial was halted because a patient died. The patient was my husband, and the trial was restarted after the autopsy showed that it played no role in Rob's death. I understand that a late stage melanoma diagnosis is a scary thing and one wants to do everything humanly possible to be treated and cured, but there's no need to be angry and dismissive about a person's death. Do you think he *wanted* to die in the middle of the trial? I'm rapidly losing faith in humanity. People can be incredibly cruel.

(I know there's always a risk of finding out something you don't want to find out when you look for information, but I didn't think I needed to steel myself for this.)

What I didn't say on Facebook: Fuck all of you. Your pain and diagnosis doesn't cancel out somebody's goddamned death. It's not his fault. It just fucking sucks all around.

I'm sorry, Connie and Maria.

I'm sorry, Maria. That does suck. mightily.

Jesus, Maria. I'm sorry. People suck sometimes.

It does suck. It is painful and unfair and people are cruel with or without meaning to be so. And when you think you have done a decent job insulating yourself from the barbs, the slam comes from your blind side.

With Steve succumbing to AIDS those that passed or survived after him affected me in a way that had politics and societal factors all mixed in with the personal stuff. Mostly I did and still do celebrate those who prevail and mourn for the losses. It was such a 'shameful' thing at the time that all except his closest family and friends just thought he had the more respectable cancer. Although it was an absolute death sentence at the time, he never accepted that. While it is still a shitty diagnosis, it soothes me that there is hope now for those that hear that news.

Still, I have never seen any of the major movies that deal with the subject. Just won't do that to myself. The real people dealing with it I can hope and pray for, but I know myself well enough that I will never be able to deal with anyone's fictional account of the subject.