I'm sorry, Connie and Maria.

I'm sorry, Maria. That does suck. mightily.

Jesus, Maria. I'm sorry. People suck sometimes.

It does suck. It is painful and unfair and people are cruel with or without meaning to be so. And when you think you have done a decent job insulating yourself from the barbs, the slam comes from your blind side.

With Steve succumbing to AIDS those that passed or survived after him affected me in a way that had politics and societal factors all mixed in with the personal stuff. Mostly I did and still do celebrate those who prevail and mourn for the losses. It was such a 'shameful' thing at the time that all except his closest family and friends just thought he had the more respectable cancer. Although it was an absolute death sentence at the time, he never accepted that. While it is still a shitty diagnosis, it soothes me that there is hope now for those that hear that news.

Still, I have never seen any of the major movies that deal with the subject. Just won't do that to myself. The real people dealing with it I can hope and pray for, but I know myself well enough that I will never be able to deal with anyone's fictional account of the subject.

When I was at my cataract appointment last Friday, the doctor out of the blue asked about Hubby, then wanted more details on his case. He's a doctor, he's interested in these things. I was startled, but it seemed simpler to answer his really-non-intrusive questions than making a fuss.

Thought I haven't gone back to his favorite restaurants, because I don't want to answer the questions all over again. It's almost harder when they're not idiots, but are legitimately interested.

Thanks, everyone. It's the out of the blue that gets me. The thread was from 2012. Everyone's moved on, except for me, on this one.

It's almost harder when they're not idiots, but are legitimately interested.

Connie, exactly. Because you're not the only one who's heart is going to break with the retelling.

Everyone's moved on, except for me, on this one.

It is a little more immediate for you.

They don't know you...they are just upset and want the trial to work.(That said, if they were writing about my loved one, I would wish worse on them than skin cancer.) They also want to believe he did something wrong to make all the horrible shit Make Sense.(he must have been a loser who didn't follow the plan, therefore I'll live till I'm ninety)

My ankle is hurting so much. First day of classes. I've been doing my physical therapy exercises to prepare, but still, being on my feet for that long isn't that good for me.

I went today to have the bone marrow biopsy they couldn't do in the office. I hate Northside Hospital. The parking sucks; it takes 40 minutes to check in; and they do everything on paper, including copying every damn form on a printer/copier from the '90s. One of their two CT machines went down, so they started an hour late. The controls stopped working, so I had to get up from the machine while they 1) slammed the sliding bed into place several times and 2) turned it off and turned it back on. In the meantime, my neighbor who drove me has no idea why it's taking so long. The anesthesia saved me from witnessing any further incompetence, and AFAIK, the actual biopsy part went swimmingly.

My neighbor tells me that there were several people in the *waiting room* drinking horrible stuff for their scans, including ones who were also clutching bags to throw up in.

We hatesss them.