Those are some gorgeous kitteh's, Shir. I'm so happy for you (and them) that you found each other.

===

I need to say something snotty and am hoping I can just leave it here. Cuz, if I don't, I will say something much worse than what has happened irl.

I have a weekly meeting with a friend during which I support her unconditionally. We share a lot of similar attitudes and an openness to learning, etc.

This friend does not wear deodorant...which I am totally fine with. My former partner did not either and I have no issue at all with the resultant smell. I would not encourage any woman to wear something known to have negative health effects.

At the same time, the odor has been so strong lately that she has actually transferred the bacteria to my client couch. In the past, I've tried to move out meeting to my dining table for this reason, and never wanted to explain why. She prefers my office...strongly...and has rejected my request to sit in the other room.

Last week, she asked where the cover to the couch went. I had taken it off because I was worried the smell would be distracting to my clients. I could still smell it across the room after midnight, after our meeting ended at noon.

I should have lied. But I was compassionately honest saying that I'm sincerely neutral about her choice...actively support it really...but I want to move the meeting to the great room...which is actually much warmer in the winter.

She just sent me an email saying she is so disturbed by my sensitivity that she can't meet me here anymore.

Head slamming on desk.

I've never lied to her before, but clearly I should have this time.

At the same time, now I'm mad. Inappropriately, I'm sure. Because I was as polite as possible but now I'm a bad person and 'too sensitive.'

What else should I have done?

You might remind her that you would have done the same had she been one of those people who douse themselves in artificial scent. People who marinate in a familiar odor often don't realize how strong it is--expensive perfume, or personal scent.

You were kind and honest, and admitted to her a fact which was having a deleterious affect on your business. You offered her a reasonable alternative, and even supported her personal choices. She's being unreasonable. Yes, it can sting to be told your grooming practices aren't adequate. But you didn't demand--even suggest--that she change them, merely that she accomodate your clientele and your livelihood.

She needs to get past the hurtbutt and acknowledge that you have a point, and that you made it as kindly as you could. Good luck.

God. Thank you, Beverly. I'm all twisted up about this!

Honestly, I specifically said, "I am not asking you to do ANYthing different. I just want to move to the other room."

Now I'm mad that after supporting her completely for YEARS, I ask for one thing and it blows up like this. My justice button has been well and truly pushed.

Obviously, I need to get over that because it does not belong to her, but OY.

there are alternatives - including washing more.

if you are noticing it, but it is not a scent that is bothering you - some one out there that she might want to make an impression on i s more bothered

You have been more than reasonable, bonny. Way above and beyond in fact. I hope she figures that out.

beth, this is my thinking as well but have somehow resisted the urge to say that. It makes me wonder that no one else has ever said anything. It has been going on for a very, very long time.

Not for nothing, I'm wondering if there is a medical issue in play. She takes an antidepressant (which just makes me feel worse about saying something) but I don't know if that, or any other chemical could be contributing to it.

She says that she bathes regularly, but her hair can be quite greasy, so I don't know what regular means.

Goodness knows, _I_ don't take a full shower every day, but I am aware of my own scent and do what is necessary to make sure I don't share it with others.

My bff says that people are generally immune to their own scent. Is that true?

eta: Me too, Laura, me too. I really appreciate the support.

My bff says that people are generally immune to their own scent. Is that true?

To a degree, maybe. But there are definitely times when I get a whiff of myself and head straight to the shower.

If you (all y'all, not specific to bonny) ever wonder about saying something honest to me - please do. Yes, I may be butt hurt at first, but I'd rather know and have the chance to make a change once I got over myself.

I don't wear deodorant, either, and I do occasionally notice that it's been too long between showers. I generally gauge by the state of my hair. And I have no clue how else you could have handled it, especially if the situation is occurring in a place where you do business. I can understand if she's mortified and flailing desperately, but she should understand herself that it's not like you're meeting in your private living room.

If you (all y'all, not specific to bonny) ever wonder about saying something honest to me - please do. Yes, I may be butt hurt at first, but I'd rather know and have the chance to make a change once I got over myself.

So. Totally. THIS!! In fact, the only time I'm genuinely offended is when someone who ostensibly cares about me DOESN'T say something.

How many times have I had something stuck to my face, or hanging out of my nose, and my dear ones did not help me out? Too many times.

Connie, I hate to make my business stuff anyone else's responsibility. After all, it's my choice to have my office in my home. On the other hand, we are in business together and I've never said anything when we were out meeting other people, no matter how uncomfortable it's been. I always imagined telling her that other people are probably noticing would be even worse.

Maybe if I'd done that, it would have felt less personal? Ugh. I refuse to make excuses using things I can't control, so it never seemed right to bring other people into it.