You might remind her that you would have done the same had she been one of those people who douse themselves in artificial scent. People who marinate in a familiar odor often don't realize how strong it is--expensive perfume, or personal scent.

You were kind and honest, and admitted to her a fact which was having a deleterious affect on your business. You offered her a reasonable alternative, and even supported her personal choices. She's being unreasonable. Yes, it can sting to be told your grooming practices aren't adequate. But you didn't demand--even suggest--that she change them, merely that she accomodate your clientele and your livelihood.

She needs to get past the hurtbutt and acknowledge that you have a point, and that you made it as kindly as you could. Good luck.

God. Thank you, Beverly. I'm all twisted up about this!

Honestly, I specifically said, "I am not asking you to do ANYthing different. I just want to move to the other room."

Now I'm mad that after supporting her completely for YEARS, I ask for one thing and it blows up like this. My justice button has been well and truly pushed.

Obviously, I need to get over that because it does not belong to her, but OY.

there are alternatives - including washing more.

if you are noticing it, but it is not a scent that is bothering you - some one out there that she might want to make an impression on i s more bothered

You have been more than reasonable, bonny. Way above and beyond in fact. I hope she figures that out.

beth, this is my thinking as well but have somehow resisted the urge to say that. It makes me wonder that no one else has ever said anything. It has been going on for a very, very long time.

Not for nothing, I'm wondering if there is a medical issue in play. She takes an antidepressant (which just makes me feel worse about saying something) but I don't know if that, or any other chemical could be contributing to it.

She says that she bathes regularly, but her hair can be quite greasy, so I don't know what regular means.

Goodness knows, _I_ don't take a full shower every day, but I am aware of my own scent and do what is necessary to make sure I don't share it with others.

My bff says that people are generally immune to their own scent. Is that true?

eta: Me too, Laura, me too. I really appreciate the support.

My bff says that people are generally immune to their own scent. Is that true?

To a degree, maybe. But there are definitely times when I get a whiff of myself and head straight to the shower.

If you (all y'all, not specific to bonny) ever wonder about saying something honest to me - please do. Yes, I may be butt hurt at first, but I'd rather know and have the chance to make a change once I got over myself.

I don't wear deodorant, either, and I do occasionally notice that it's been too long between showers. I generally gauge by the state of my hair. And I have no clue how else you could have handled it, especially if the situation is occurring in a place where you do business. I can understand if she's mortified and flailing desperately, but she should understand herself that it's not like you're meeting in your private living room.

If you (all y'all, not specific to bonny) ever wonder about saying something honest to me - please do. Yes, I may be butt hurt at first, but I'd rather know and have the chance to make a change once I got over myself.

So. Totally. THIS!! In fact, the only time I'm genuinely offended is when someone who ostensibly cares about me DOESN'T say something.

How many times have I had something stuck to my face, or hanging out of my nose, and my dear ones did not help me out? Too many times.

Connie, I hate to make my business stuff anyone else's responsibility. After all, it's my choice to have my office in my home. On the other hand, we are in business together and I've never said anything when we were out meeting other people, no matter how uncomfortable it's been. I always imagined telling her that other people are probably noticing would be even worse.

Maybe if I'd done that, it would have felt less personal? Ugh. I refuse to make excuses using things I can't control, so it never seemed right to bring other people into it.

bonny -- she's being a snot. You were kind, and made all kinds of gentle accommodations. This is your WORKPLACE; it MUST be clean and smell clean or neutral. If she's butthurt, then she needs to get over it -- preferably in the shower. "

There are TONS of products which are non-toxic which which she can wash, and natural, non-toxic, organic deodorants. When I first started dating Dan, he wore Old Spice deodorant, which wasn't cutting it, and I can't tolerate BO. I am very sensitive to smells, so I bought him a different ANTIPERSPIRANT, and told him that Old Spice reminds me of my dad, and that was NOT SEXY to me.

She's being unreasonable, and you have a legit reason to be pissed. I don't blame you. She needs a cluestick. A nice-smelling one.

I very rarely wear antipersperant unless it's summer and I'm outdoors a lot. I shower every two-three days, and just don't generally produce a lot of stink within 2 days. But I self-check my pits and if I whiff, I'm in the shower tout de suite.

(I'm also like a hairless cat -- the ONLY think I inherited from my Pawnee great-great grandmother -- I shave my 3 pit hairs (seriously) once a year, never have to deal with a bikini line, and only shave halfway up my shins in the summer -- in the winter, I pretty much let it go for 4 months and it gets to be about 1/8 inch.)

Tangent. But you're in the right, and she's being a rude pill. If I stank or had stuff on my face, I'd want to know. I have my dad's stinky feet, and my friends have no compunctions about telling me to go wash my feet or put on clean socks, and I AM HAPPY TO KNOW.