I have to learn to be happy making things for myself instead. And my subconscious never learned how think of myself as reason enough.

Well, now is the time to spend some time on pleasing Connie and letting that be enough. I think you're ready to value yourself that much.

I've actually gone out and done stuff nearly every night this week. Trivia on Tuesday, Young Professionals happy hour on Wednesday, and tonight, went with a friend to see the Humans of New York guy speak. (The tickets to the HONY guy were supposed to be for students only, but my friend used to be a student here and still has a student ID.) I feel like I actually have a sort of social life.

So I've had three transfusions in the last three weeks, and my hemoglobin is still below 8 after yesterday's transfusion. The current theory is that I'm one of the 1% of patients on this chemo who gets GI bleeding. I have an appointment with a gastroenterologist tomorrow.

My oncologist told me yesterday to make an appointment ASAP, but I can only talk to the main scheduling office. The phrase "potential life-threatening GI bleed" had no effect, and the earliest appointment I could get was in three weeks. I sic'ced the oncologist's office on them and got the appointment for tomorrow. Of course it's at the Kaiser facility that's half way to Chattanooga.

Feeling like crap is bad enough without its being such hard work.

Feeling like crap is bad enough without its being such hard work.

wrod

Oh no, Ginger! So sorry you're feeling awful, and that they're buttheads. Glad you at least got an appointment for tomorrow.

To add insult to injury, the next transfusion they could schedule is on Saturday. The type-and-cross for yesterday's transfusion expires at midnight Friday, so I have to have that done tomorrow. All they do is draw one vial of blood. Last time I waited an hour and a half. For yesterday's transfusion, I waited more than an hour before there was a chair open, and I was there two hours before the blood showed up.

I hate them.

I'll grant that these facilities are probably very busy, and there are so many processes that have to occur, but the organization seems so haphazard.

Ginger, I'm sorry. That is a lot to have to deal with in one day when you're already feeling badly.

The hardest part is that I've discovered that when my hemoglobin drops below 9, I lose higher brain functions. It's like trying to think when you're really stuffed up and have a fever.

I wanted him to see me as a competent grown-up. I’m not sure he ever did.

Oh, I absolutely know he did. Invisible friends knew this, and he most assuredly did.

I've actually gone out and done stuff nearly every night this week.

This is wonderful! It is so very often easier to not do stuff, but a much better plan to make the initial effort.

I sic'ced the oncologist's office on them and got the appointment for tomorrow.

It is ridiculous that you have to fight for the care you need when you don't have the energy. Still relieved to hear you got the appointment. My frustration with the hoops you need to jump through is massive; I can't even imagine your level. I so wish I could magically send you strength for the battles.