But, seriously: does that happen to anyone else? When you finally open up and talk about how you're really stressed and sad and anxious and grieving AND THEN you feel even *worse*?

Yeah. In my totally non-scientific explanation of my own brain TO my brain, it feels like the mental health analogue of getting past the big deadline/stressor/whatever and THEN getting sick because your immune system thinks it can finally let its guard down.

It does get better for me after that.

I think it's because I'm finally acknowledging the exact dimensions of the problems or stress, and so my brain has the period of grief or anxiety while it grapples with the whole. (Because while everything was still undefined, it could be smaller than it is. Even though that's never the case.)

Yeah, I think that's it. That makes sense.

I'm just always slightly afraid that the act of naming my stress/grief/anxiety somehow conjures even more from the aether.

For me I think it's what juliana said -- it can seem smaller and less significant if I keep it bottled up in my head. When I start to talk about it, it makes it real (and huge), and that always terrifies me.

But, seriously: does that happen to anyone else? When you finally open up and talk about how you're really stressed and sad and anxious and grieving AND THEN you feel even *worse*? Or am I just a special kind of crazy over here?

It depends. Talking about it helps me to define it. Sometimes, it brings the problem into human scope. But sometimes, it makes me wonder how I can still function with everything that presses down on me.

Naming my fears, getting them out of my head, usually ends up with me being able to come up with a plan of some sort. Not all plans are positive, so I've experienced that "worse" feeling.

Sometimes, it brings the problem into human scope. But sometimes, it makes me wonder how I can still function with everything that presses down on me.

Yeah, this is me. Sometimes if I talk about things, I start freaking out about how am I managing to do any of it.

If you don't raise you head to see just how big the waves are, it's easier to just keep paddling. Though it gives you fewer reasons to gloat about how badass you are.

I know what you mean, Steph, and what they all said. It makes it more real if you say it aloud.

I have encouraging news! First DH told me that he had a pleasant call and chat with #1 son the other day. This is monumental because pleasant isn't a word I hear either of them use when discussing the other. Son told dad he had been writing lyrics and that he had a lot of positive feedback and sales potential or some such. Dad told him that he always felt that he had a talent for writing and encouraged him to follow his dreams. So I sent son a message (normal occurrence for me) and told him that I heard he had a nice conversation with his dad about his writing and so forth. And he wrote back and told me some more (with sample). And then mocked me with the news of Trader Joe's opening near his place.

So I'm feeling the potential of moving to the next stage where we interact as loving adults and not combatants. Trying not to get too excited, but I am anyway.

it's your very nature to be excited

Usually talking about a problem out loud will stop the anxiety dreams, which is a good thing.

Jilli, I was at Target today and didn't see the Beetljuice underwear, but they did have Jack Skellington ones, bikini style. Let me know if you want them, if not I'm happy to keep them.