Sj,

A friend of mine had a grandmother who said: "don't let anyone steal your joy" and I think about that phrase in the myriad ways is is applicable.

Your situation is definitely one. People, especially the ill-intentioned ones, are going to read into your actions what they want. If the people you most love and trust are on your side, that is what counts.

It's exhausting spending every meeting with someone carefully watching every word that comes out of your mouth, because several years later those words will be twisted around and used against you.

I have a couple people like this in my life, and my basic strategy is to just not care what I say. If even the most innocuous thing can be used against me, then it doesn't really matter whether I'm perfectly sweet or entirely bitchy -- the result will be the same.

How bad would the fallout be if you told her that she's free to believe what she wants but you honestly don't care about her opinion?

How bad would the fallout be if you told her that she's free to believe what she wants but you honestly don't care about her opinion?

Bad.

How bad would the fallout be if you told her that she's free to believe what she wants but you honestly don't care about her opinion?

Bad.

Then how are you supposed to act? That's a serious question. Is kissing her ass the bare minimum allowed (which still leads to mistreating you anyway)?

Or can you just act however seems appropriate, and no matter what her response is, you *tell yourself* BUT NOT HER that you don't care about her opinion? Because it sounds like the only option for your sanity is to not care about her opinion.

Teppy is wise.

Or can you just act however seems appropriate, and no matter what her response is, you *tell yourself* BUT NOT HER that you don't care about her opinion? Because it sounds like the only option for your sanity is to not care about her opinion.

This! And everyone else who matters will understand that she is the one who is acting inappropriately.

::Points Teppyward::

I've discovered that it really isn't my responsibility how unpleasant people feel about me, it's theirs. As far as my happiness goes, they only have the power I give them, and I'm easily contented with being polite and leaving them to marinate in their own caustic opinions.

Be a duck, sj, let it roll off you without affecting anything other than your required behavior with them.

Which in Bevspeak translates to: butter wouldn't melt in my mouth, and also? Screw you. But I'm sure you're much nicer than that.

lisah, I'm so sorry to hear about your old guy cat. It sounds like he's had a great life with you, and a kind send-off. It's never easy, even when we know it's the right thing.

bonny, I didn't get to read the post about your situation, but you seem to have found a compromise to live with. I'm sorry you were put in such a position, and I'm glad there was a compromise, if not a complete solution.

OK, wait, sj, let me get this straight: WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER, TCG has gone from living in a crappy apartment and working a low-paying job to working a good job with good benefits, so clearly that means that you only care about getting your hands on his money. Right?? It must just be a bizarre coincidence that the quality of his life and his happiness have improved since meeting and marrying you, not to mention his financial circumstances.

I wonder what his mother would think if he was still working at his old job and still didn't own a car? Clearly it would mean you were holding him back from achieving his full potential. Or at least, that's what it would mean in Crazytown, where she lives.